How does Eleanor manage to poop and not get a bit of it in the front of her diaper but it goes up her back into her hair?
Can she make money with this talent?
Wednesday, July 26, 2006
The Great Flood of 2006
Hi, remember me?
So we come home today, and Abby makes her beeline to the potty, as she does when we come home from running umteen errands. I go to change the baby, and call my sister back. I get about 2 seconds into these projects when Abby starts wailing from the bathroom and comes running in to tell me, "The water keeps coming when I flush!"
Oh shit.
I hang up with sister, grab the babe and check out the damage.
Oh shit.
Water is flowing from the toilet, Abby is screaming, I put the baby down and she starts screaming, I wanted to start screaming, but someone had to remain calm. I shut off the water, and went to calm the screaming children. I got them under control, and went to assess the situation.
Oh shit.
Water was rolling out of the bathroom into the hallway almost to Abby's room. I decided to start at the source by plunging the toilet. Yum. Abby was still freaking out so I decided to show her how I fixed it. Still not enough, the kid was traumatized. The baby was fussy so I threw some towels down so that I could feed her, had Abby get some library books, and read to the girls for a while before lunch. Once everyone was calm for a minute I decided to tackle the flood. I called Tim to see if he had any insight, and was pissed to have him not answer his cell (I don't call his office, long story), so I decide to shoot him an email. I run downstairs to my computer and all I can hear is drip, drip, drip....the water is leaking through the floor boards into the basement.
Oh shit.
There was water everywhere, running down the TV, dripping onto the extraneous computer bits in the office,dripping into the play kitchen. I grabbed some buckets and towels and did my best not to just pour gasoline all over the house and light it on fire.
I fed the girls lunch, did a bit more reading and got the babe down for her nap. I cleaned up the rest of the bathroom and started to get to work on the basement. My mom came over so that I could help her with some poster she needed to make for the church and was entertaining Abby while I was mopping up. Abby wandered downstairs and asked me if the toilet was still broken, I told her it was ok, but she wanted me to come and look. We flushed it together, and she was satisfied with that and turned to me and said, "You can go away mommy, I need to make some poop."
Thank God I didn't have to clean that up.
Tim is now trying to get as much of the water as he can out of the carpet before it starts to grow mold. He claims that the padding is safe, but the carpet needs to be pulled up in order for it all to dry properly. If he thinks I am moving the fucking TV to do that he is wrong, wrong, wrong.
I think it is time to move.
So we come home today, and Abby makes her beeline to the potty, as she does when we come home from running umteen errands. I go to change the baby, and call my sister back. I get about 2 seconds into these projects when Abby starts wailing from the bathroom and comes running in to tell me, "The water keeps coming when I flush!"
Oh shit.
I hang up with sister, grab the babe and check out the damage.
Oh shit.
Water is flowing from the toilet, Abby is screaming, I put the baby down and she starts screaming, I wanted to start screaming, but someone had to remain calm. I shut off the water, and went to calm the screaming children. I got them under control, and went to assess the situation.
Oh shit.
Water was rolling out of the bathroom into the hallway almost to Abby's room. I decided to start at the source by plunging the toilet. Yum. Abby was still freaking out so I decided to show her how I fixed it. Still not enough, the kid was traumatized. The baby was fussy so I threw some towels down so that I could feed her, had Abby get some library books, and read to the girls for a while before lunch. Once everyone was calm for a minute I decided to tackle the flood. I called Tim to see if he had any insight, and was pissed to have him not answer his cell (I don't call his office, long story), so I decide to shoot him an email. I run downstairs to my computer and all I can hear is drip, drip, drip....the water is leaking through the floor boards into the basement.
Oh shit.
There was water everywhere, running down the TV, dripping onto the extraneous computer bits in the office,dripping into the play kitchen. I grabbed some buckets and towels and did my best not to just pour gasoline all over the house and light it on fire.
I fed the girls lunch, did a bit more reading and got the babe down for her nap. I cleaned up the rest of the bathroom and started to get to work on the basement. My mom came over so that I could help her with some poster she needed to make for the church and was entertaining Abby while I was mopping up. Abby wandered downstairs and asked me if the toilet was still broken, I told her it was ok, but she wanted me to come and look. We flushed it together, and she was satisfied with that and turned to me and said, "You can go away mommy, I need to make some poop."
Thank God I didn't have to clean that up.
Tim is now trying to get as much of the water as he can out of the carpet before it starts to grow mold. He claims that the padding is safe, but the carpet needs to be pulled up in order for it all to dry properly. If he thinks I am moving the fucking TV to do that he is wrong, wrong, wrong.
I think it is time to move.
Tuesday, July 18, 2006
Holy Water and Egos
Sunday was Nora's baptism. She had a beautiful dress made by our Judy, and I wardrobed my family perfectly. Abby also wore white, with a blue bow in her hair that matched the flowers on my skirt and Tim's tie. You are going to have to trust me on this one since there are no (in focus) pictures of the main event.
Since we are not the Catholic Mafia and just the regular Mafia we had a "public" baptism with 5 other babies getting dipped at the same service. Everything went fine, Nora sang and ralphed through the whole thing. We have only a few, blury pictures because Tim's mom was trying to work our camera and changed the speed on it. I am actually really sad about this because we have about 120,000 pictures of Abby's baptism, and 7 blurry ones of Nora's.
Against my better judgment we had the "celebration" afterwards at my father in law's house (you know, the house my mother in law just moved out of). He has a pool, and I thought it would be fun for the kids to swim on the hottest day of the year. It was fun, for them, but not for anyone who came in contact with my mother in law. She was a nightmare. At any chance she got she would comment on her not living there and air all kinds of dirty laundry. She was rude to my father in law and it all really upset Tim. I, as always, felt bad for him because he was not ever given the resources to discuss his feelings or confront his mother about what she does that he doesn't like. I know that she is angry, and that she is hurt, but she was awful to my FIL when all he was trying to do was have a nice party for his Granddaughter. She ruined the day for Tim which makes me sad.
While all this was going on I was dealing with my stepmother's family. It was really nice of them to come, but they found the most secluded place in the house and camped out there most of the day. I felt bad for them and spent a bulk of my time trying to entertain them. Now I know that was my choice, but there were so many others that I did not speak to, I guess that is how it goes.
As I said there are very few pictures of the event, but the 3 we have are here. We all looked so cute, but the only family picture we got is one with Tim not color coordinating, as well as 3 sheets to the wind. I guess that is ok, because a lot of family was missing form the entire day. As usual I feel bad for Eleanor that she is getting the shaft on yet another front. There are pages and pages of pictures from Abby's baptism. Her with her God-parents, with her Grandparents, with her aunts and uncles, etc. But we don't have that for Nora. Partly because not everyone was there and also because we couldn't find the time to do it. I don't know if it is because I am a little sister that I am so sensitive to this, but it bugs me that she continually gets shafted and won't be able to bitch about it until she is 17. I guess that's how it goes with the second one. I can't even imagine how #3 will feel....
Since we are not the Catholic Mafia and just the regular Mafia we had a "public" baptism with 5 other babies getting dipped at the same service. Everything went fine, Nora sang and ralphed through the whole thing. We have only a few, blury pictures because Tim's mom was trying to work our camera and changed the speed on it. I am actually really sad about this because we have about 120,000 pictures of Abby's baptism, and 7 blurry ones of Nora's.
Against my better judgment we had the "celebration" afterwards at my father in law's house (you know, the house my mother in law just moved out of). He has a pool, and I thought it would be fun for the kids to swim on the hottest day of the year. It was fun, for them, but not for anyone who came in contact with my mother in law. She was a nightmare. At any chance she got she would comment on her not living there and air all kinds of dirty laundry. She was rude to my father in law and it all really upset Tim. I, as always, felt bad for him because he was not ever given the resources to discuss his feelings or confront his mother about what she does that he doesn't like. I know that she is angry, and that she is hurt, but she was awful to my FIL when all he was trying to do was have a nice party for his Granddaughter. She ruined the day for Tim which makes me sad.
While all this was going on I was dealing with my stepmother's family. It was really nice of them to come, but they found the most secluded place in the house and camped out there most of the day. I felt bad for them and spent a bulk of my time trying to entertain them. Now I know that was my choice, but there were so many others that I did not speak to, I guess that is how it goes.
As I said there are very few pictures of the event, but the 3 we have are here. We all looked so cute, but the only family picture we got is one with Tim not color coordinating, as well as 3 sheets to the wind. I guess that is ok, because a lot of family was missing form the entire day. As usual I feel bad for Eleanor that she is getting the shaft on yet another front. There are pages and pages of pictures from Abby's baptism. Her with her God-parents, with her Grandparents, with her aunts and uncles, etc. But we don't have that for Nora. Partly because not everyone was there and also because we couldn't find the time to do it. I don't know if it is because I am a little sister that I am so sensitive to this, but it bugs me that she continually gets shafted and won't be able to bitch about it until she is 17. I guess that's how it goes with the second one. I can't even imagine how #3 will feel....
Wednesday, July 12, 2006
The Honda Odyssey
Whenever I take Abby someplace where other children are I play a little game with myself. I count how many blue Honda Odyssey minivans are in the parking lot. During the school year when I would walk her to school I would always giggle internally when I saw that almost ever vehicle in the parking lot was a blue Honda Odyssey. Seriously, everyone around here drives one of those damn things and they are all the same shade of gross dusty blue. The newer ones have chrome trim around the windows and that was the only way I could tell Lisa's from Marnie's, but if Linda's was there I would get confused.
Are these cars really that great? And why are the all blue?
My friend Julie is the only one who I know who has a black one, but that does not make it any better. It is still a minivan, and it is still a conformist Honda Odyssey.
The other thing I have noticed about the Honda Odyssey is that the families who own them all fit a certain demographic. The women are the Alpha moms at the park. They are organizing playdates with the other Alpha moms and their Alpha kids, discussing their Republican politics, whining about their cleaning ladies, planning their block parties/next pregnancies/Bunko nights, and so on. The kids are usually quietly destroying something (the park, a toy, a sibling, another child's self esteem), and the fathers never drive them solo. Ever. Look around the next time you are in the parkinglot and see if this holds true.
My problem with the Honda Odyssey Moms is that they seem to be so wrapped up in the efficiency of their reliable vans, schedules, kids and husbands that they never seem to get a taste of life. It think the Odyssey makes you uptight. It must be the name, which implies a long journey with a connotative hint of burden, that influences those who own these things. I think that the women who drive the Chrystler Grand Caravan have it a little better. They are willing to live life on the edge and buy an American, thus inherently less reliable, van. A van with a name that makes their daily kid carting sound important and exciting, and less lonely. Grand Caravan. Or a Nissan Quest that makes the driver feel like she is going on a meaningful voyage to the Jewel, where along the way she just might find a missing piece of the puzzle. Even the Chevy Venture has a less mundane name than the Odyssey.
When I think of all the women I know who drive an blue Honda Odessa I realize that they are all the same. Even the ones I don't know who I just see loading the double stroller in the back on top of the "emergency kits" fit my stereotype of the Honda Odessa Moms. There is a slight sneer to them that is there to hide the quiet desperation that they feel while driving this nondescript van around town. It is like they are unsatisfied, yet unwilling to divulge this so they conform to the benign blue of the safest minivan on the road.
Sometimes I envy them with their easy open doors and spacious quarters. There are time that I long for a van so that I can be that much further from the constant questions from the backseat. When we go on long car rides I think about how easy it would be if we could just pop Cinderella in the DVD player and go. But then I realize that I would be missing out on a huge part of my kids' childhood. Everytime I ride in a minivan it gets easier and easier to imagine owning one. But then I come to my senses.
I'll take my Jeep Liberty with the apple juice stain on the passenger seat and the beat up bumper any day of the week.
Are these cars really that great? And why are the all blue?
My friend Julie is the only one who I know who has a black one, but that does not make it any better. It is still a minivan, and it is still a conformist Honda Odyssey.
The other thing I have noticed about the Honda Odyssey is that the families who own them all fit a certain demographic. The women are the Alpha moms at the park. They are organizing playdates with the other Alpha moms and their Alpha kids, discussing their Republican politics, whining about their cleaning ladies, planning their block parties/next pregnancies/Bunko nights, and so on. The kids are usually quietly destroying something (the park, a toy, a sibling, another child's self esteem), and the fathers never drive them solo. Ever. Look around the next time you are in the parkinglot and see if this holds true.
My problem with the Honda Odyssey Moms is that they seem to be so wrapped up in the efficiency of their reliable vans, schedules, kids and husbands that they never seem to get a taste of life. It think the Odyssey makes you uptight. It must be the name, which implies a long journey with a connotative hint of burden, that influences those who own these things. I think that the women who drive the Chrystler Grand Caravan have it a little better. They are willing to live life on the edge and buy an American, thus inherently less reliable, van. A van with a name that makes their daily kid carting sound important and exciting, and less lonely. Grand Caravan. Or a Nissan Quest that makes the driver feel like she is going on a meaningful voyage to the Jewel, where along the way she just might find a missing piece of the puzzle. Even the Chevy Venture has a less mundane name than the Odyssey.
When I think of all the women I know who drive an blue Honda Odessa I realize that they are all the same. Even the ones I don't know who I just see loading the double stroller in the back on top of the "emergency kits" fit my stereotype of the Honda Odessa Moms. There is a slight sneer to them that is there to hide the quiet desperation that they feel while driving this nondescript van around town. It is like they are unsatisfied, yet unwilling to divulge this so they conform to the benign blue of the safest minivan on the road.
Sometimes I envy them with their easy open doors and spacious quarters. There are time that I long for a van so that I can be that much further from the constant questions from the backseat. When we go on long car rides I think about how easy it would be if we could just pop Cinderella in the DVD player and go. But then I realize that I would be missing out on a huge part of my kids' childhood. Everytime I ride in a minivan it gets easier and easier to imagine owning one. But then I come to my senses.
I'll take my Jeep Liberty with the apple juice stain on the passenger seat and the beat up bumper any day of the week.
Monday, July 10, 2006
Check, Please!
So tonight we had dinner with my dear friend Charles and his soon to be bride, Alpana. I have been trying to drag them out to the burb forever so that they can experience the Mafia hang out. Finally the stars aligned and off we went.
I have know Charles for what seems like 100 years (really it has been more like 13) and for some reason I am always pleasantly surprised when we go out. I guess it is that I forget that he is wonderful. Or maybe it was that we had wine. His bride (I think I like calling her that because it makes him sound like he is in charge which we know he is not) is a local celebrity which makes for interesting conversation.
I am always worried when faced with social interactions because I often reference People magazine and the E! Network, when I am not sharing some pointless tale about my kids. I was pleased that we could discuss wine, as well as the Brittney Spears interview with Matt Lauer (I am thrilled to know that they still have it on their Tivo and were also bothered by his lack of socks).
All in all we had a lovely evening.
The best part was that I didn't have to read The Care Bears: Caring Contest at any point in my evening.
I have know Charles for what seems like 100 years (really it has been more like 13) and for some reason I am always pleasantly surprised when we go out. I guess it is that I forget that he is wonderful. Or maybe it was that we had wine. His bride (I think I like calling her that because it makes him sound like he is in charge which we know he is not) is a local celebrity which makes for interesting conversation.
I am always worried when faced with social interactions because I often reference People magazine and the E! Network, when I am not sharing some pointless tale about my kids. I was pleased that we could discuss wine, as well as the Brittney Spears interview with Matt Lauer (I am thrilled to know that they still have it on their Tivo and were also bothered by his lack of socks).
All in all we had a lovely evening.
The best part was that I didn't have to read The Care Bears: Caring Contest at any point in my evening.
Friday, July 07, 2006
Breaking the Law
We were running late, as usual, and traffic was backed up on Willow Rd before the tollway. We moved 2 car lengths in 3 turns of the light so I did it. I drove on the median. I saw my left turn and I took it. No sooner that I did so, I was pulled over.
Officer Medina of the Glenview Police slowly approached my car (he was really cute) and gave me a lecture about not driving on the median. I told him my kid had to pee and that I was trying to get to my father in law's house to remedy this, he took my license anyway.
Abby asked what was going on, I told her I broke a rule and that the officer was trying to figure out how long my time out would be. Officer Medina (got cuter and) came back with my license and told me that he wasn't giving me a ticket, but followed that with a further lecture about how I passed 2 strip malls where I could have taken Abby to the bathroom. I apologized profusely and we went on our way. Since (the adorable) officer was following me I had to turn down my in law's street. Abby got excited and thought we were going to see Grandpa. I told her we were going to see if he was home (I knew he wasn't). We sat in the driveway to "see if he was going to come out" then left after 5 minutes. (Do the lies to my kid ever stop)
Halfway home Abby announced, "I have to go potty really really bad," then she peed in her car seat a little bit.
Paybacks are a bitch.
Officer Medina of the Glenview Police slowly approached my car (he was really cute) and gave me a lecture about not driving on the median. I told him my kid had to pee and that I was trying to get to my father in law's house to remedy this, he took my license anyway.
Abby asked what was going on, I told her I broke a rule and that the officer was trying to figure out how long my time out would be. Officer Medina (got cuter and) came back with my license and told me that he wasn't giving me a ticket, but followed that with a further lecture about how I passed 2 strip malls where I could have taken Abby to the bathroom. I apologized profusely and we went on our way. Since (the adorable) officer was following me I had to turn down my in law's street. Abby got excited and thought we were going to see Grandpa. I told her we were going to see if he was home (I knew he wasn't). We sat in the driveway to "see if he was going to come out" then left after 5 minutes. (Do the lies to my kid ever stop)
Halfway home Abby announced, "I have to go potty really really bad," then she peed in her car seat a little bit.
Paybacks are a bitch.
Thursday, July 06, 2006
Baby Legs!
I recently engagged in some friendly competition with my sister on mamac-ta's blog. Mamac-ta was giving away these stylish purple bandanna baby legs to a random commentor in her blog. Not to be outdone by Clementine's wardrobe, Nora begged me to comment and win her the legs. Which we did.
In your face, Clementine!
Just kidding, you can borrow them anytime!
In your face, Clementine!
Just kidding, you can borrow them anytime!
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