Sugar Highs and Sugar Lows

We have spent the morning recovering from a weekend that has thrown off all of our schedules. Friday night the ladies went to Tim's mom's house for an overnight. This was the first step in the downward spiral of our weekend.
I am well aware that my rules do not apply at the grandparent's houses, but my MIL is by far one of the worst offenders. Abby could ask her 'Grandma' (my mom is 'Grammy') for a pony and I think she would oblige. We had a prearranged time for me to drop the girlies off, but when I got there she was missing, and not answering her cell phone. I finally found her (she was at the grocery store buying them absolute crap to eat and more toys that they don't need.
I think she fed my kids refined sugar with ice cream on top for dinner then kept them up until 10:30pm, because when Tim brought them back on Saturday they had this glazed look in their eyes and kept talking about the donuts they had for breakfast and the cookies Grandma had bought them to eat with (for) lunch. I had to leave my little darlings before the sugar wore off in order to get Bridezilla and whisk her away for her bachelorette party.
Now, I get it that I am not THAT old, but I really think I am too old for this kind of bachelorette party. Now there were 7 of us, Bridezilla, the Maid of Honor (sitting, standing, dancing, whatever she was doing she is incapable of keeping her knees together and it just looks weird), the Matron of Honor (she is my infertility friend, have I told you about her?), the groom's sisters (young club hopping chicks), bridesmaid (she is the epitome of a Midwestern farm girl), and me. We started with a "pre-party" at the hotel we were staying at so we could drink and give Bridezilla tacky gifts. We then headed downtown to this drag show and things started going down hill.
So we all go to this bar in the heart of Boys Town and then the conversation starts about which waiter is gay, and which isn't (um, hello, they ALL are). There was also a discussion about the hostess and if she was really a man or a woman. All of this was not hushed, which made us "Those Girls". You know, the obnoxious Bachelorette Party with the bride in a feather boa and everyone drinking out of penis straws. There was no tact while at this bar, but the "Beyonce" was good, and I did a duet with "Tina Turner". When it was decided that drag shows were "boring" we left and went to this bar that the Maid of Honor had found online.
The great city of Chicago is filled with many bars that suit all different kinds of clientele. What we needed was a dark loud bar where these chicks could drink their faces off, dance, flirt, and not be totally conspicuous. Instead we went to this random local watering hole with a bunch of Lincoln Park yuppies who made our whole party the butt of their jokes (I can't lie, had I been on the outside, I would have made fun of us too, hell I did it while on the inside). All these girls took about
1,427,692 pictures each, and once the bar patrons figured this out they started fucking around in the background. There is some asshole in the background of most of these pictures doing something vulgar or stupid, or both. We finally got out of there and tried to go to a 4 am bar that I used to go to. Alas that was 100 years ago and it was gone, so we stumbled into this Irish Pub I used to go to. This place was great. We parked Bridezilla and her drunken posse in the back and made friends with the bartender. All was well until Bridezilla's blood sugar fell (she is a diabetic) and we had a minor medical emergency. A glass of juice and a few sugar packets later we were back in action and ready to go home.
In all, of the 7 of us, 4 threw up at various points in the evening (I wasn't one of them), 3 girls cried (again, not me), 1 girls blacked out, 1 girl made out with some random guy, 2 engaged girls exchanged numbers with some random dudes, and the bride was still drunk the next morning. While I managed to escape the evening with minor cuts and bruises (I woke up feeling like an ash tray), I can honestly say that this will be the last bachelorette party I attend. I hate to say ever, but I am going to anyway.
When I came home Sunday morning Tim had cleaned the house and the kids were at Sunday school with Grammy. They came home with "lunch" (leftover donut holes from that morning and Frosties from Wendy's for lunch- no protein, nothing green, just sugar). Nora refused to take a nap and Abby bounced off the walls until we made it over to Tim's cousin's house to do some tech support and family bonding. This is a whole other blog post entirely.
When we finally got home at 9pm my kids were cashed (My sister used to hate when I used that expression in reference to Abby, but it is so accurate sometimes). The sugar high of the weekend had worn off and the exhaustion had set in. Hence we are spending today eating only healthy greens and fruits with protein and grains. And we are all napping.
No more sugar for us.
At least not today.......