Defending the Caveman

I find it difficult to blog about my spouse without making him sound like a total asshole. And I guess if he sounds like an asshole, he kind of is one, but I think that is more a product of his upbringing than anything else. Seeing as he was raised as the only son of two of the most selfish, dysfunctional, ridiculous beings in the universe (I believe this is a documented fact somewhere) he really had no hope from the get go.
As I raise my kids, I often feel like I am raising my husband as well. He is currently struggling with the idea that he is not the only person of importance in our household, and this is hard for him. Cases and points:
On our recent family vacation he had a mojito induced temper tantrum about how he feels that my sister is more important than he is (I told you about this, right?). And the truth is that she is not MORE important than he is, she is EQUALLY as important as he is- a hard pill for him to swallow seeing as he is used to being Simba.
I was recently approached about a part time job working three days a week for the company I have worked at for years. This is a big decision seeing as it will shift our family dynamic quite a bit. When I first brought it up he kept telling me that it wasn't the time to talk about it (keep in mind my kids were with my mother in law and there were no other distractions at the time) and that we would have to talk about it later. When push came to shove and I had to give my boss an answer I was forced to corner spouse with the question "are you willing to help pick up the slack of me going back to work?". The answer was quite disappointing. I won't go into detail (I don't want you to totally hate him before you meet him), but you can assume that it was close to 'no', maybe even a 'hell no'. When he asked me why I was still sulking days later and I recapped our talk he had little recollection of it. This leads me to believe what I have known all along, his mouth and brain do not act together, and if they do then it is the result of them marinating on what to say rather than just saying whatever self centered idiotic thing that first pops into his head.
We have this stupid red Jeep that is parked in front of the entrance to our back yard from our garage. When I asked if it could move to a more inoffensive location, like into the garage his response was something about how the garage was for his car and I could just move the Jeep when I needed to get into the back yard. yeah, it is so fun and easy to back a car out every time the kids want to play in the yard.
And don't even get me started on the what is for dinner conversation. This is not a cruise ship. You don't get home in time for the only seating you are on your own. Eat what is here, scramble an egg, do something, I don't care. Just don't ask me at 9:30 at night if I am going to "make dinner" seeing as I have already done so for the other 3/4 of the family, leaving more than enough for you. And yes, shells and cheese is in fact a meal. Don't like it? Then take you happy ass to the grocery store, buy what you want (hell, just give me an idea when I say "I am going to the grocery store- is there anything you want?") and make it yo' damn self.

Despite his short comings, we had an excellent talk the other night about Mother's Day. Usually I get stuck having to do something with his mom that takes the better part of a day and is really quite annoying. She has to insert herself in whatever I do with my mom, as well as be carted around on a pillow all day being honored because, after all, she is the mother of Simba (and we wonder how Tim ended up with the worst case of Only Child Syndrome EVER). She usually wants to go buy flowers for her pots then watch me plant them, then complain that we didn't get enough/got too much/the colors don't match the pots and so on. All while she feeds my kids candy then yells at them not to run around.
I told Tim that this year, I was out. My mom will be out of town, and I will do nothing more than buy his mom some crappy Hallmark card (that I will have to recycle when she dies seeing as she saves every. single. card. ever given to her). His response was "Ok, the girls and I will take her to brunch/lunch/whatever and you can stay home". Really, I don't have to hold court with her?
Sometimes I remember why I married him.