Anyway....as she was talking and I was trying to be polite and respond appropriately while her hands are in my mouth she kept joking about me carrying her child. She explained that it would have to be my eggs, since she didn't have any left, and that she would pay for it all. I didn't really say anything but it got increasingly uncomfortable as she continued to paint this scenario of me carrying a baby then giving it to her. When Earl, the dentist, came in she changed the subject to the Botox party going on in the back room and was showing me where she had injections in her forehead. She was going to try to get more before she left that evening because she thought her mouth could use some work. (yikes)
As I was leaving after my waxing, Dace stopped me and gave me a huge hug and told me to talk to Tim about "what we talked about" and then thanked me for considering to do this for her.
Excuse me, did I miss something? Did the dental hygentist really think I would consider carrying her baby? And am I crazy that for part of my drive home I was almost considering it?
To me it is so sad when people who really want kids can't have them for whatever reason. Good friends of ours are having fertility issues and I feel so bad for them, but I feel like I am constantly apologizing for my fertility. Tim and I didn't plan on conceiving Abby when we did (we were married for 6 weeks when I got pregnant), and Eleanor really was the "it only takes one time to get pregnant" baby. We don't take for granted that we were and are very lucky, and my heart goes out to those who aren't, but I am tired of feeling bad that it was so easy for us. I know that I could be interpreting that wrong, but for Tim's aunt to wish me ill will when I was pregnant with Abby because she wanted to use the same boy's name we had chosen, or for my friend to hang up on my when I told her Abby was going to be a big sister, I think I am getting the message. And the truth is my hear goes out to those who can't conceive. My heart also goes out to those who don't have homes, who suffer from disease, who have bad fashion sense. I try to be a good person and help those that I can, but is carrying Dace's baby the same as raising $2000 for breast cancer research?
I felt swindled by Dace. I was really pissed that she made me feel guilty enough to consider having her baby. In reality it could work. I have easy pregnancies, healthy babies, and I really like being pregnant. BUT that is a huge emotional undertaking that I don't think I could put myself and my family through. First , I am not sure if we are done having kids; second, how do you explain to a 3 year old that the baby in your tummy isn't coming home at the end of all this? I understand that it is an amazing thing to do for someone, but I am not that special a person to do that.
Fuck that.
I am still a special person eventhough I won't have a baby for the lady who cleans my teeth.
Besides I don't think I want one of my eggs being raised in an environment where Botox is acceptable.
Call me shallow. I have been called worse.
3 comments:
Remember when we thought you couldn't get knocked up and I was going to carry your baby? Ah, how times have changed, fertile myrtle. I LOVED being pregnant and can't imagine having two of my own. Maybe I should consider surrogacy.
I'm not going to call you shallow.
Tell me, How do you honestly feel about all this? I am not trying to psycho-analyze you, but honestly. There are millions of infertile women in the world. Does that then put an extra burden on all the fertile women to carry a child for them?
I would understand a sister, or close friend asking this of you, but the lady who cleans your teeth? Is she someone you hang out with? What do you know of her background? I personally feel that anytime you give a part of yourself to someone else, it is your responsibility to be sure it is taken care of well. Kudos for you.
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