Spring Break 2007: A Play in 2 Acts

Last week was a fantastic trip to Mexico with sun, and booze, and fun family and kids. I have some good pictures, but have yet to organize or upload them. I am going to try to do that tonight, so be patient....
This week is "real" spring break. All of Abby's activities are on break so we have this whole week to just hang out. Monday we were still regrouping from being gone for a week. Abby had a play date that went almost all day which was kind of nice. Yesterday I had to do some training at work so that I can start this full time Monday thing (yuk). Today we went to Milwaukee to meet Mrs. Materialism's new baby (why did anyone let her have 3?). Tomorrow we are off to the Lincoln Park Zoo, provided the weather holds out (can I say that I am secretly hoping it won;t so that we can have ONE down day), and Friday we are off to Aurora to see our friends there. Then we hit a booked weekend and snowball into a full week next week.
So let me ask you this, when do we actually get a break this spring?

Lost

My cell phone is missing.
Did I tell you about the new one I got a while back? It was kind of a production because I didn't want a new one, but it was mandatory so I sucked it up and got the best phone ever. I loved my new phone. I had taken some really great pictures with it too, but alas, it is gone.
I think it got left on the United Airlines flight 1007 plane, but no one at UAL can seem to help me and when I call the Cancun Airport I get this recording in Spanish that I can't understand. I am very distraught about all this, not just the phone and the pictures, but the phone numbers too. I guess I have to chalk it up to bad luck and call it a day, but it still sucks.
At least I lost it on vacation and not getting a root canal or something.

Secrets Revealed

Our big secret was that we went to Mexico to surprise my dad for his 60th birthday.
We just got back last night, did you miss us?
I have 117 loads of laundry to do, and 2 kids with whacked schedules, not to mention a million pictures to sort through, and a bunch of stories to tell.
We had a great time, it is good to be home, and think I lost my cell phone.
Film at 11.

I've Got a Secret

Punk Rock Mama and I have a secret....and if you don't know I can't tell you because once you put it on the Internet you never know who is going to find out (most of you already know about our secret rendezvous this weekend anyway).
This secret has been keeping me busy all week long and has reminded me that my husband tends to lean toward the useless side. He is currently out drinking with his buddy while I am at home doing laundry, cleaning the toilet, and hoping that I will get to paint my toenails before 2 o'clock tomorrow morning. He also needs a haircut, which kind of annoys me because if he is ut until all hours he will them have to do it himself and I will then have to find time to fix it. Sometimes I really feel like I have 3 kids.
In other news, I went to Abby's parent teacher conference today. Seriously they used the phrase "a joy to have in class". Tell me something I don't know and could you be a little less generic next time.
I would expound, but I have more stuff to do and now Eleanor has decided that there is a party in her room.

What time is it?

Is anyone else suffering from not knowing which end is up after daylight savings time?
I always have trouble figuring out if we are springing forward or falling back or springing back and falling forward, I just don't get it.
A friend of my sister's once told me it was like making a quilt longer by cutting off the bottom and sewing it on the top, which makes no sense, but neither does daylight savings time.
In the old days I would just drink myself silly and sleep the Sunday after the time change and all would be ok, just a little darker in the morning and lighter in the evening. But I can't do that to my kids (I think there are laws or something).
Poor Tim was uber late for work this morning because it was dark when he woke up and he thought he had more time. My kids also went to bed at 5:30 on their internal clocks tonight. Explain that one to a precocious 4 year old.
I am really glad the George W. Bush chose changing Daylight Savings to be his legacy. As if that lovely war of his was not enough.

Get in Shape Girl!

Do you remember Mousercise?
I can recall a time when I would get that from the library and come home and stand in front of the TV wearing my favorite leotard and dancin' right along.
I was also a big fan of this:

Anyone remember they sold those "accessories" to "enhance" your "routine"? I think I just liked it because I could wear a leotard and carry a pretty satiny ribbon attached to a wand and prance around with it until my mom told me to stop swinging that damn thing around the house. I remember feeling so stifled by that at the time but now that I am a mom I totally recognize why a child with an extremely long ribbon on a wand that is meant to be used in large swinging motions would be a bad idea. A very bad idea.
Anyway, I think my mom had been feeling bad about that when she signed me up at Women's Workout World. It really is the ultimate trip back to 1980s fitness. Not only is everything highlighted with teal and purple neon (seriously, everything- around the mirrors, in the locker room anyplace you could put a neon bulb, it is there), but there are also women who wear leotards and biker shorts without a hint of irony.
My friend Karen is also a member at W3 so we decided to go to a class together this morning. She opted for "Step Jam" which didn't thrill me, but I am determined to give W3 a shot. So we go and get set up in the back and start this class. I am not too proud to admit that the 60+ year old woman in the front row wearing her bright blue lace up the back thong leotard and black biker shorts totally kicked my ass. Not in the endurance department, I have that one down, but in the coordination department. I am screwed when it comes to ever having to keep a beat, nor am I coordinated enough to step-touch in any formation. Karen has a similar deficiency in this department so she just went up and down the stair for the entire 45 minutes while I foolishly tried to keep up (it was so ugly, you don't even know).
As the class was ending people were coming in for the next class and I saw at least 3 more leotards. Seriously? I thought that if you were over the age of 15 and not a ballet dancer of any form you could not wear one after 1990. Am I wrong? Do people wear leotards at your gym? Biker shorts and a sports bra are acceptable, but a leotard? Really? I used to love them when I was a kid, but even I gave that up.
At any rate I may have sucked at step class I know I can dominate in the belly dancing for fitness class tomorrow night. I miss my old gym, a lot, but I am determined to embrace the 80s. I am off to shop for a leotard....

A Job Opportunity

Anyone want to watch my kids tomorrow afternoon so that I can go shopping?
Anyone? No? You sure? They are cute, and well behaved, and Abby's diarrhea is clearing up, and Nora's nose is running only because she is getting a tooth, it isn't the kukamunga flu again. We are immune now. Really, we are. Did I mention that they are cute?
Wait, where are you going?

Seriously I need someone to watch my kids tomorrow. Usually I rely on my mom or my MIL, but my mom has plans that don't really jive with my hopes and dreams for tomorrow, and I will not be asking my MIL for help anytime soon. I also have my friend Karen, but she has a real job working nights and I have to work within her need for sleep. What I need is a nanny, but where do you find someone willing to watch your kids occasionally during the day? Most candidates are at work or school. My neighbor found her nanny on Craigslist, which I have scoured daily for the past 2 weeks, but it is all people seeking help, or an alternative lifestyle partner. Any suggestions? Or have you changed your mind about coming to watch my kids tomorrow? Does about 2 work for you? Great, I'll be home by 6 or so. Tim may get home before I do, but don't count on it. See you then!

Blindsided

Last night my father in law came over for dinner. I would rather have had a root canal. During our dinner my phone, which had not rang all day, rang off the hook. My sister called to finish a conversation we had started earlier, a friend of mine called to set up a play date, Judy called me back to see how the skirt I was making was going, and my mother in law called to see if I wanted to go shopping today. Each caller was told that we were having dinner with my father in law and that I would call them back. All but one took this well; can you guess which one had an issue?
So my MIL launches into this whole thing about how she hadn't heard that he was coming over, and when I told her that it was a spur of the moment thing I thought that was acceptable. I also told her that today was not the day to go shopping for spring clothes for the girls. Tuesdays I work and so we have a morning at home doing chores, or an easy play date here so that Nora can nap, besides, I am not ready to think about a spring wardrobe for either child.
Anyway. I felt bed for blowing her off so I called her today tot hank her for the offer and see if we could do something another day this week. Of course she asked about dinner last night, and I probably told her more than I should have about how irritating my FIL was. (It was awful. Really awful. And I know it is my fault because one of the last times he came for dinner he kept railing on Tim about stuff at work and he implied that he was useless and replaceable and I totally lost it and told him that he was not allowed to speak to Tim that way in his own house. I think I also might have said some stuff about him trying to parent and guide Tim rather than get angry with him for not being able to do everything he expects, but I am blocking it out. I think my FIL came over expecting confrontation, but I wouldn't feed into it. I just kept saying "you're right, Jerry, they aren't calling you for jury duty because you were once a total jerk about it" and "you're right, Jerry, Florida is the strongest state in the union when it comes to education" and, my favorite, "you're right Jerry, Hillary Clinton has not yet declared her intention to run for president in 2008". As I said, it was awful) So anyway, my MIL starts talking about their recent trip to Florida and how she has been depressed since because he told her that the "spark" just wasn't there with her anymore. This has just devastated her because she has "done everything he wanted" (i.e. lose weight, grow out her hair, and so on). So they are supposed to be back in Florida together next week and somehow we got on this thing about how when she asked Tim to drive her to the airport he told her that it was "pushing it" as far as the time goes (she needs to be there at 4 am), but he would take her if she wanted. When I sided with Tim on that I one, she lost it.
I spent the next hour listening to her tell me that I don't think she is good enough to do anything more than watch my kids. Apparently her feelings are hurt that we had my FIL over and we never invite her over for dinner or to do stuff. I am also a horrible hostess because she never feels welcome in my home. It is offensive that she can't just stop by whenever she wants like my mom can and does. When I tried to defend myself (my mom and I don't see each other outside of her watching my kids for the most part; my FIL just kind of invited himself over; I DON"T want to have to entertain her when she comes over during the day, I have stuff to do and I can't be waiting on her the way she expects; and it makes me crazy when my mom drops by unannounced) she just cried and told me that I wasn't listening.
I felt totally blindsided by this. In my heart of hearts I know that she is just taking her anger and frustration with my FIL out on me, but really it sucked. Their problems are a huge part of our marriage, and while it isn't pitting Tim and I against one another anymore, it is causing a stress that we don't really have room for. The things she tells me are grossly inappropriate, but she has no one else to talk to. She really is pathetic. My FIL is not the voice of reason here, he is insanely depresses and his ADD is so out of control it is almost painful to watch. (Not that I am one of those people who think we all need to be medicated zombies roaming around not feeling anything, but there is such a thing as better living through chemistry and he would benefit, but he "can control his problems unlike most people".) I need to not ever talk to these people ever again. Too bad that is unlikely.
I wish I married an orphan.

Book Club

My friend Marnie asked me to join her book club and I was over the moon. I have always wanted to be in a real live book club where we discussed the book and our lives and became best friends forever. Alas, this is not really the book club for that. They are all engineers from Northwestern who have interesting jobs; some are just getting married, some have children, one is single.
So I went last month and it was fun enough. The ladies were fine, I couldn't remember any of their names, but I can talk to a wall so it was fun. They all went to college together so I was kind of the odd man out, but it was fine. I was actually looking forward to this one because we were reading Catcher in the Rye, one of my all time favorite books from high school. Yeah, I am not in high school anymore.I read the book quickly enough, skipping some parts, but remembering most of it. I definitely read it from a different perspective this time around and I was looking forward to seeing what these people thought of it; many of them had never read it.
So Marnie and I trek down to the city and on the way she tells me that one of the chicks, Bridget, just told her that she is pregnant. Yay, a new baby, blah blah blah. SO we get there and people start to trickle in, including the pregnant chick. Apparently she hadn't told everyone yet, but walked in the room and collapses on the sofa and announces that "pregnancy sucks". No one really knew what to say. One chick mumbled something about a congratulations and Bridget just went on and on in this whiny voice about how sick she is and how tired she is and how swollen she is. I started to get a bit annoyed, but whatever I can keep my mouth shut.
Book discussion started and the first thing Bridget did was launch into this whole tirade about how whiny Holden is and that it was just so irritating to have to wade through the crap that he was complaining about. I kept to myself that I thought she was a big fat whiner and we carried on. Book discussion ends, and we start talking about everyone's recent weddings/babies/pregnancies. I tried to be nice to Bridget because I could tell she wanted to talk about being knocked up so I asked her when she was due. She launched into this whole thing about how she just got married and "didn't have it in her" to go through more planning. So I said, "Oh so this must have been a little surprise" and she told me that in fact no, they were trying, but not expecting it to happen so quickly. This is where I lost it.
We all know where babies come from and so when you are rolling the dice and "starting to try" you should pretty well be ready to have a baby just in case you are one of the lucky people who don't have trouble getting pregnant. I can name several people who would give their eye teeth to be in her shoes and all she could do was bitch about how inconvenient it was. That is not cool. So of course I told her all of this. I was nice about it, but it was one of those uncomfortable confrontations where no one talks for a second afterward.
I think I embarrassed Marnie, and for that I do feel bad, but come on.
We are reading A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius next. Anyone have any other titles I can throw out when we pick the next book?
If they let me come back.

The Flesh Menagerie

Why does it bother me so much that the Jolie Pitts are adopting another baby?

Workin' on my Fitness

I usually work out at our local park district, and it has served me well for the past few years. It is all old people trying to figure out the machines, and stay at home moms trying to jog off the baby weight. While I am up in the gym working on my fitness (ok, last Fergie reference) the girls hang in the babysitting room downstairs. This is the place that I think Nora picked up her RSV, and I think that Abby might be scarred somewhere in her psyche by the way Ms. Betty the babysitter deals with children (she yells. a lot. about nothing). When my membership expired last month I was not too bummed because I was so unhappy with the whole babysitting thing. So I was shopping around for a new gym and I was leaning toward Bally's because if you stand at the end of my street you can almost see it and I could get there without going through a stoplight.
Enter my mother.
The details of how it all came about are still hazy, but I am now a member of Women's Workout World for the next 2 years as part of my mom's membership. I wasn't thrilled about this, but whatever, it was taken care of and I didn't have to think about it. So I go off to WWW today for my orientation. They too have a babysitting room so I packed the girls up and we went back to 1983.
My first impression was...yikes.
I put the girls in this room with some random toys and a bunch of children, one of who told me that it was her turn to "take off the baby's hat". Um, not quite honey. They were fine and I was hoping for a little more acknowledgement of my departure. I mean, really I was abandoning them in a new place that even gave me the heebs, but it was clean and I didn't see any RSV anywhere so I left.
The woman who "oriented" had on the most awesome teal swishy suit I have ever seen. She would have totally fit in at my father in law's house (have I told you about that place? Another time...) She told me all about her Armenian heritage after seeing that my last name was Armenian. She also made what could have been a racial slur about people of Turkish descent, which kind of made me chuckle, but I think it might have been really offensive. So she took me around to all the equipment, and after the 3rd one she told me that I knew what I was doing and went to call her daughter (she is 21 and just broke up with someone last night. I hadn't asked).
So I go from ghetto machine to ghetto machine and longed for the days of the stroke victims trying to figure out how to work the weight machines.
My kids were fine, they liked the playroom, it has everything one would need, but can I really do this for 2 years? And when my mom comes home am I going to have to go work out with her?
Tell me to shut up.