Blindsided

Last night my father in law came over for dinner. I would rather have had a root canal. During our dinner my phone, which had not rang all day, rang off the hook. My sister called to finish a conversation we had started earlier, a friend of mine called to set up a play date, Judy called me back to see how the skirt I was making was going, and my mother in law called to see if I wanted to go shopping today. Each caller was told that we were having dinner with my father in law and that I would call them back. All but one took this well; can you guess which one had an issue?
So my MIL launches into this whole thing about how she hadn't heard that he was coming over, and when I told her that it was a spur of the moment thing I thought that was acceptable. I also told her that today was not the day to go shopping for spring clothes for the girls. Tuesdays I work and so we have a morning at home doing chores, or an easy play date here so that Nora can nap, besides, I am not ready to think about a spring wardrobe for either child.
Anyway. I felt bed for blowing her off so I called her today tot hank her for the offer and see if we could do something another day this week. Of course she asked about dinner last night, and I probably told her more than I should have about how irritating my FIL was. (It was awful. Really awful. And I know it is my fault because one of the last times he came for dinner he kept railing on Tim about stuff at work and he implied that he was useless and replaceable and I totally lost it and told him that he was not allowed to speak to Tim that way in his own house. I think I also might have said some stuff about him trying to parent and guide Tim rather than get angry with him for not being able to do everything he expects, but I am blocking it out. I think my FIL came over expecting confrontation, but I wouldn't feed into it. I just kept saying "you're right, Jerry, they aren't calling you for jury duty because you were once a total jerk about it" and "you're right, Jerry, Florida is the strongest state in the union when it comes to education" and, my favorite, "you're right Jerry, Hillary Clinton has not yet declared her intention to run for president in 2008". As I said, it was awful) So anyway, my MIL starts talking about their recent trip to Florida and how she has been depressed since because he told her that the "spark" just wasn't there with her anymore. This has just devastated her because she has "done everything he wanted" (i.e. lose weight, grow out her hair, and so on). So they are supposed to be back in Florida together next week and somehow we got on this thing about how when she asked Tim to drive her to the airport he told her that it was "pushing it" as far as the time goes (she needs to be there at 4 am), but he would take her if she wanted. When I sided with Tim on that I one, she lost it.
I spent the next hour listening to her tell me that I don't think she is good enough to do anything more than watch my kids. Apparently her feelings are hurt that we had my FIL over and we never invite her over for dinner or to do stuff. I am also a horrible hostess because she never feels welcome in my home. It is offensive that she can't just stop by whenever she wants like my mom can and does. When I tried to defend myself (my mom and I don't see each other outside of her watching my kids for the most part; my FIL just kind of invited himself over; I DON"T want to have to entertain her when she comes over during the day, I have stuff to do and I can't be waiting on her the way she expects; and it makes me crazy when my mom drops by unannounced) she just cried and told me that I wasn't listening.
I felt totally blindsided by this. In my heart of hearts I know that she is just taking her anger and frustration with my FIL out on me, but really it sucked. Their problems are a huge part of our marriage, and while it isn't pitting Tim and I against one another anymore, it is causing a stress that we don't really have room for. The things she tells me are grossly inappropriate, but she has no one else to talk to. She really is pathetic. My FIL is not the voice of reason here, he is insanely depresses and his ADD is so out of control it is almost painful to watch. (Not that I am one of those people who think we all need to be medicated zombies roaming around not feeling anything, but there is such a thing as better living through chemistry and he would benefit, but he "can control his problems unlike most people".) I need to not ever talk to these people ever again. Too bad that is unlikely.
I wish I married an orphan.