On The Verge

I am on the verge of doing one of the many tasks around my house that demand attention. I am about to clean up some of the Christmas crap (seriously, why doesn't Tim's family pitch in and buy me a goat for some family in Africa through the Heifer Project than crowd my house with shit from the dollar store?). I am about to start the endless chore of thank you notes. I am about to empty my dishwasher, load my dishwasher and sort laundry. I am about to start the book I got for Christmas. I am about to organize my sock drawer. I am going to clean out the office, my closet and the refrigerator. I am also going to clean the garage while I am at it. There are a few other things I might try to get to before bed too.....
Really I am going to do none of those things (well, maybe one or two).
My house is (fairly) quiet. Christmas has officially passed, and now comes the clean up. I have been feeling bad that my lack of holiday spirit made the girls miss out on some fun things (the Christmas windows on State Street, the trees from around the world at the Museum of Science and Industry and so on), but I guess hind sight is always 20/20. I feel like I have spent the last week going through the motions, and today, now that everything finally has passed, I had a Coke slurpee (a pale substitute for the Mountain Dew one I truly craved) that put me back in the game. I am no longer (as my mom would put it) out of body.
My sweet little Eleanor is still illin. Her Christmas Eve chest x-ray showed nothing, and while the inhaler and the steroids have been helping her to breathe a little easier I was irritated to go back to the pediatrician yesterday morning to have her prescribe the antibiotic that I had asked for on Monday. Nora has been a trooper, but right this minute we are dealing with the side effects of her "roid rage" which keeps her talking away until all hours of the night (the stuff hypes kids up and now her sleep schedule is totally beyond fucked). I am trying to be the good parent who just ignores it, but she is so sweet singing and talking. She keeps yelling "Yuv Yoo Mama" and I can hear her jumping on her bed. I have gone in to settle her once or twice, but that leads to a story, and maybe a little milk and a snuggle. And I can't resist that snuggle....
This weekend Abby became a true 'big kid'. I don't know what it is but all of a sudden she is super grown up and totally the coolest chick in town. We survived the last of the holiday parties last night and she was awesome. Sure, she checked out and played her Leapster in the corner for a while, but hey, Tim checked out and played Wii for a while too.
So here it is 10 o'clock on a Sunday and I have plenty to do, but no motivation to do it. Tim is at work (yeah, I know) and my sweet little Nora is keeping me here on the verge of starting a project....

Consumed

Every gift (with the exception of those to my sister and her family) has been opened. Every piece of wrapping paper is tucked safely in the recycling bin. Every toy has been played with, shared or fought over today. Every glass in my house has been used.
This means that Christmas is just about over and I am spent.
Here is the short version:
Saturday: Company Christmas party- I got drunk and told Tim's parents that they had to figure out what they wanted me to do with their bodies when they die.
Sunday: Christmas with Tim's dad's family. 11 Christmas trees with flashing blinking fiber optic multi colored everything. While none of us ended up having a seizure from all the blinking, we did get to sit around with some of Tim's aunts and uncles and pick at old family wounds and talk about those who weren't there.
Monday: A trip to the pediatrician's office which led to a trip to the hospital for a chest x-ray which led to an expensive prescription to fill. (all I wanted was an antibiotic) This fun was followed by Christmas with Tim's parents (a bunch of crap from the doorbuster's sale at Kohl's that I now have to find a home for in my already tightly packed house, and woo-hoo, we get to go to Disney World with them) the Christmas with my mother in law's family. Tim's cousin is pregnant, his other cousin is an alcoholic, and the kids all got guns that shoot marshmallows.
Tuesday: A joyous Christmas morning with our little faeries who were dazzled by the magic that Santa brings, followed by the arrival of my mother who was hammered by noon. We had a lovely dinner with the family, a visit from the chosen family, and more gifts than I can even deal with.

In all a lovely holiday that has left me exhausted and in the center of a crisis of self. But we can talk about that later.
Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night....

A Christmas Confession

I have abandoned all of my convictions and beliefs this holiday season.
I have shopped at Wal-Mart.
Not just out of necessity as I sometimes have had to (my sister has absolved me in the past- desperate times call for desperate measures), but I have gone there of my own free will. Many times.
I feel dirty, but it is just so damn cheap, and they really do have some stuff that I need. Today I went to 3 stores to find Mallowmars for Judy and not one place had them. Wal- Mart did. I went to 2 stores to find a yoga mat and both places were sold out. Wal- Mart wasn't. I was also able to buy diapers at an astoundingly low price.
True they look at me funny when I bring in my reusable bags, and no one there really knows what they are doing, and their corporation is singlehandedly destroying the environment, small town businesses, and much more, but it is close to my house, and they haven't let me down yet.
I hate that I am a hypocrite- I vowed to never set foot in a Wal- Mart after reading Nickled and Dimed in America- but alas, I guess I have to evolve.

Same Old Lang Syne

Again, 2 points to anyone who can name the reference in the title here....

So last week I got this random email from someone who I haven't talked to in 6 years. This friend of mine and I met in college, he and his girlfriend were who my boyfriend at the time and I used to hang out with. When my boyfriend and I broke up I got them in the separation, and when they broke up I stayed friends with both of them. He left school, but for whatever reason he and I stayed pretty close. He went to dinner with my family the night before I graduated college. He helped me move into my first apartment. He and I were really tight, and then I met Tim.
I remember being so excited to introduce the two of them, I thought they would really hit it off, but I couldn't have been more wrong. It was a disaster and as Tim and I got closer this friend and I fell apart. I invited him to our wedding, and when I didn't hear from him I called about 2 weeks before the big day and he told me not to get married. It was this surreal conversation that I can still recall quite vividly, and it was the last time he and I talked.
Recently through the joy of myspace I have reconnected with his exgirlfriend and she and I have both been kind of half assedly looking for him. Then he turned up, and now we have had these bizarre email exchanges.
How do you catch up on 6 years when there was so much left unsaid?
We have exchanged the brief autobiography and all that, and there is now talk of getting together. Tim could not be less interested in this turn of events, and while he has no reason to be I wish that someone would be as excited as I am that I have found someone I have really missed.
So could one of you get excited for me?

I wish I had a river.....

Hi, remember me?

There is so much to blog about. Like this:


And this:


And this:

Note what happens when Tim takes the pictures- all the kids are out of focus and look like they have Christmas lights as eyes.

But of course there is also so much to clean, bake, wrap, shop for, stress about and so on that is preempting my blogging. I have been productive today cleaning, laundering, and preparing things to wrap and sew, as well as downloading some new music, but that is another blog post entirely. Abby has a friend over this afternoon which is also a whole other post.

2 points for anyone who gets the reference in the title of this post.

Fa-la-la-la-sigh

I am up way too late watching the Kathy Griffin special on Bravo, and a Master Card commercial just defined a major life crisis I am currently having.
The problem is that I have no Christmas spirit. We put the tree up this weekend, and Abby and I finished decking the halls this afternoon (Abby is way into setting up the "activity scenes"), and seriously nothing has inspired me to get excited about the holiday season. This may seem like a trivial thing, but usually I am way into making Christmas fabulous for my girls and everyone else, and it is fun, but for some reason I just can't muster the spirit.
Anyway, I was watching Bravo, and this Master Card commercial came on (I can't lie, I was watching it on fast forward) and this husband gives his wife some lame gift then surprises her with some fancy car and then the slogan appears: "The joy of giving". It was like lightening struck.
That is what I am pissed about- there is no joy in giving this year.
Sure, it is fun to do stuff for the kids, but my MIL always over does and totally outshines Santa, which, despite my pleading, will not stop. Whatever. The rest of my Christmas list is filled with gifts I HAVE TO buy. I am not talking about my niece- I would love to spoil her rotten, but I know she doesn't need a bunch of crap. Neither does my sister, or Nate for that matter, and I can't afford to buy Tim something that will bring him as much joy to be surprised by as it would be to surprise him with, and those are the people (besides my kids) who it would bring me joy to shop for. These are the people I would love to shop for, but I have to waste my time and money shopping for a bunch of other assholes.
What I am pissed about is that I have to spend time money and effort on finding something "perfect" for people like my mom, and Tim's parents who have everything they could ever want and don't really need or want anything that I give them. Every fucking year I go out of my way to come up with some thoughtful gift for Tim's dad which is always met with a lukewarm reaction then gets tossed in his basement. My MIL is a similar story. I go out of my way to make her photo albums of the kids and find something nice just for her then I have to listen to a list of things she would rather have had, most of which comes from Kohls which is a place I avoid like the plague. And don't even get me started on my mom. She, like Tim's parents, needs absolutely nothing, and while she is grateful for whatever crap I come up with, I usually find whatever I gave her in a box to go to the church rummage sale.
What is the point?

Snot, Interrupted

Tim and his mom have this horrible habit of interrupting Abby, and now Nora, when they are talking. It mostly happens in the car for some reason. It has to have something to do with the Sirius Kids Stuff that we have all learned to tune out.
I find it really irritating that my mother in law does this so I have now started ignoring her to listen to Abby. I need to find a tactful way to tell her that I would rather pay attention to my kid than to her most times, and that maybe she should pay some attention to her also.
Whatever.
The girls and I spent the day with my Tim's mom, and while the premise was annoying, my MIL didn't want to make me poke my eyes out as she usually does. She had bought Abby a bunch of stuff form Gymboree, which is pretty hit or miss. For the most part she does ok, but then again, it is getting pretty old that just about everything my girls wear comes from the same place. Whatever.
There was a bunch of stuff that I was going to return, but since she was with me I couldn't, which sucks because then I have to back again to get rid of some of the stuff that is seriously heinous.
While we were out Nora, who started the day with crust on her nose, got more and more lethargic and more and more crusty. She had some kid goo coming out of her nose, and her cheek was all swollen and red, so I thought it was just her 2 year molars combined with a little cold (you know, the one I gave to Amanda and Clementine who then gave it back to us) but then her eye started oozing some yellowy gunk.
By the time we got home, the eye stuff had gotten remarkably worse.
Exhibit A:

Seriously, have you ever seen something so yucky? So I called the pediatrician's office who said she should be seen before they closed today. Can I tell you how much that fucked up my mojo? No, because my mojo is too fucked.
So we are the proud owners of an ear infection (red cheek, low grade fever, lethargy), a sinus infection (goop coming out of her nose and eye), an eye infection (caused by the sinus infection), and possibly fleas (a parting gift from Floyd- my MIL got a bit tonight, I am hoping a load of laundry will fix that, keep your fingers off for me).
Are you jealous?

Visiting Santa

While in Detroit we went to Paradeland (which RULES!) to see the floats and meet up with our old friend Santa Clause. Of course he went on his lunch break about the same time we were ready for him so we waited around until he came back. When we got in line we were behind this family with older children and a overbearing mother who was determined to get the ultimate Christmas card picture with her reluctant kids.
So they get up there and are all piled around the fat man, someone is snapping pictures and we all kind of step up to get ready to park our kids on Santa to get our Christmas card picture. But there was a snag. The people didn't move, they kept talking to Santa, and talking and talking and talking. This is what it looked like:

Is that woman serious? I mean the whole hunched over peering at Santa thing she is doing is not working for her. What is funnier than that is what Tim and Amanda looked like while waiting for this woman to finish what she was doing.

I want that to be my Christmas card.

1,829 Days

In the last 1829 days Abby has gone from being this fragile little lump to a an actual walking talking individual with a (great) personality, sense of humor, and opinion. She has gone from relying solely on me for feeding her to a kid who I have to beg to eat her green beans. She has traded in splashing in the bath tub for singing in the shower, but still wants me to "dress her like a baby" some nights before bed. She has gone from being an only child and the center of everyone's universe to a big sister and an older cousin who must now share the spot light. While she is still nestled under my wing, she is branching out socially at her schools, and I have been told by both her sets of teachers that she is incredibly smart.
She is, in a word, awesome, and while the first 1,829 days have had their ups and downs, I would not change a single second of it.
So her is to you, my little 5 year old, who brings such joy and light to everything around her. You really do make the world a better place.
Happy Birthday kiddo.

Sharing is Caring

We are 2 days into a week with no school (which is kind of a lie since there was a mini day yesterday) and I am already feeling the burn.
Maybe it was the weekend escape to Detroit to hang with my sister and her super cooler friends (oh yeah, my cousin went too, but only spoke in the car) which left Tim alone with the children that destroyed any semblance of organization we had in the house. Maybe it was the sewer issue we had last week that turned the house upside down. Or maybe it is just the barometric pressure change that has made me completely intolerant to other people's children in my house. Yesterday it was (Insert witty name for a kid who I generally like, but I am glad that she is not mine) before ballet class which led to fights over who goes first for every damn thing from washing hands to going to college. Today it was 2 kids who the girls like playing with, but really, a 4 hour playdate almost tipped me over the edge. I have done everything short of tap dancing to entertain those kids today and they are still bitching about who goes first, who has the bigger piece, who looks more like Wonder Woman (we have started quite the craze around here- who knew we would ever be trendsetters?), and so on. (Note on the Wonder Woman thing: It was a 4 year old boy with red hair who was telling Abby that he looked more like WW than she does) I also refereed fights between Abby and Nora, Abby and the red headed boy, Nora and the red headed kids' sister, the sister and the red head, and so on. If I had to tell them to "figure it out" or "stop tattling" or "knock it off" one more time I was going to lose my shit and run away screaming "You win!", but finally my friend came and whisked them away (she had been to the doctor and shopping) so that I could deliver a meal to the bedridden pregnant mom (will the giving ever stop?).
Now, after extolling the virtues of sharing all fucking day (which let's be honest sometimes sharing sucks) I am off to share my computer with my beloved husband.
Share Bear would be proud!

"Pregnant"

No, silly, not me.

Today I was in JoAnn fabrics with the girls and I got a call from my friend with the infertile husband (I know I have mentioned her before). They finally got the referral from the adoption agency- their Korean will be here by the end of the school year. I don't know why this makes me SO happy, and I don't know why this made me cry in the aisle of JoAnn fabrics, or why I feel obliged to tell everyone I know that my friend and her infertile husband are finally going to have the child they always wanted.
So now her "pregnancy" begins. The final paper work gets filed and they wait to go and get their adorable little boy with the huge cheeks and goofy hair. I am just so happy for them......

Mandatory Volunteers Wanted

The moms at Abby's old preschool are pretty cool. Despite the "Mommy wars" that tend to go on, they are all pretty nice and we have gotten to know each other over the past year and a half our kids have gone to school together. There is this one mom who, over the summer, got pregnant (she has 3 other kids) and when she went in for her 20 week ultra sound she found out she was having spontaneous twins. I think that a 4th pregnancy would tip me over the edge, but then to find out it is twins?! I don't even know what I would do.
So this mom is 26 weeks and has started dilating so her doctors have put her on complete bedrest. So now she has these 3 kids to tend to and can't be up for more than 15 minutes at a time. The moms at school yesterday were setting up a schedule for when we could all be bringing these people lunches and dinners, and trying to schedule car pool and what not to help her out.
One of the moms said nothing and did not volunteer to help at all, and when she left all the others started talking about her and how rude that was.
When did helping the pregnant mom become mandatory? I have offered to help, but I am not going to go overboard because I have shit to do and making sure that they have a nutritious and delicious meal is totally peripheral to me. Does this make me a bad acquaintance?
Do I care?

Can you even imagine?

I used to play hockey with this woman who had a baby last week. She had your average c-section then after a day she went into heart failure because she had a blood clot in her leg. She had open heart surgery, but had been unconscious so long she was brain dead and her husband had to make the decision to pull the plug. Tomorrow, when her baby is a week old, she will be buried.
Despite the fact that it has been a while since I last saw her I went to her wake tonight. I felt so bad for her husband who could only say over and over that this was not supposed to happen this way. It was surreal, and so sad, and I wish there was something I could do for that baby who will never know her mother. I wish there was something I could do for her poor husband who can't enjoy the first weeks of fatherhood completely because he is grieving the loss of his wife.
Can you even imagine?

Dinner With Grown Ups

Saturday Tim and I went to this fantastic dinner party at this amazing house in Lincoln Park with incredible people and delicious food. Seeing as I am marginally socially awkward (that is how spell check is telling me to spell that, but it is not looking right to me), and Tim is even more so in certain settings, I was a tad nervous about this whole thing for a variety of reasons. First of all it was at a friend of a friend's house. And it is not just any friend of a friend, it is a supremely fabulous friend of a Charles' who wrote this book (The Encyclopedia of an Ordinary Life) that was seriously one of my most favoritest books ever. Second of all, once Chach read me the guest list for this party I realized that Tim and I were going to be the most uninteresting people there, and possibly in the universe.
So Tim and I get a sitter (who promptly screws us by telling me she "has plans" and can't come until 7:30- God damn I hate being a slave to the social calendar of a 15 year old), and we make playlists in our iTunes (a prerequisite, according to Chach, was for all of us to create a playlist to share) and head off to Lincoln Park for dinner with grown ups.
First let me start with this- EGADS this was the most amazing house I have ever seen. The Rosenthals just built it, and it is large and roomy, but not ostentatious. It is completely high tech and modern, but it is totally warm and comfy. In a word it is amazing.
Second, all these people (with the exception of Chach and the Sommelier) who were essentially strangers to us, seriously could not have been more fantastic if they tried. It is hard going into certain social settings because I do not have an interesting career to talk about, and the last thing Tim read were the directions on his Monster Energy Drink can. But it was inexplicably wonderful to visit with actual adults who are able to converse about something other than the local preschool gossip and minivans.
We had such a great time, in such a great place, with such great people, and I wish I had a better blog about it, but alas, I am not Amy Krouse Rosenthal and cannot articulate the joys and pitfalls of adult/parenthood.

All I want for Christmas

This morning Abby wrote a letter to Santa with no help from anyone. This is the result (translation following):

Satu
Ckanihav u baby uliv plys and brby hrt bblgum
ABBY

Here is the translation-

Santa (she confuses the 'a' and the 'u' sounds often)
Can I have a baby alive please and Barbie heart bubble gum
ABBY

Now do me a favor and check out her phonetic spelling and try to tell me that she is not the cutest and most brilliant thing ever.
But seriously, what is a Barbie heart?

Raisng Funds

Abby's first preschool is selling cookie dough as a fundraiser. For the low low low price of $10 you can be the proud owner of a 4 lb tub of raw cookie dough. You can also buy various flavors of popcorn coated in chocolate, or these creepy "lava cakes" that you can toss in the microwave and they are meant to be raw and runny in the middle. Yum.
I tried to hit up my mom and sister to buy some of this garbage, but it looks like I am going to be the proud owner of multiple 4 pound "cubes" of chocolate cookie dough with the most bizarre green mint flavored chips, or snicker-doodle cookies with "cinnamon" chips, or maybe some "Chicago Style" popcorn- you know the "delicious" (read: vile) combo of carmel corn and cheese popcorn. Hooray.
Abby was sent home with her second preschool's fundraiser. Guess what it is... you got it- more fucking cookie dough.
So now I can complete my collection of crap to crowd my freezer.
Anyone want to buy some cookie dough so that Abby's schools can pay for their play dough?



Didn't think so.

Coming Down

Does anyone know what time it is?
I can't for the life of me figure out what time it is. Did I set that clock over there? Is it 2 o'clock, or is it 1 o'clock, or did we fall back and it is really 3 o'clock on our internal clock, and why won't Nora sleep? And really what were they doing up so damn early, but hey, I was up too, so I guess it is not the end of the world, right?

I turned 30 last week, and in honor of this Tim decided to take the better part of last week off so he could hang with his wife and kids. He also threw me a surprise party, and my sister and her family came for a visit. It is now eerily quiet around here.

I had a great birthday, the girls both were at school so Tm took me out for pancakes then to look at cars (I refuse to drive a minivan and as we talk about potentially adding one more to our posse, and as my car racks up more miles, we are looking to replace the Jeep with something a little larger). Tim really liked being off of work, and it was nice to have him around- kind of. Don't get me wrong, I love his company, it is just that he sometimes forgets that we do have kids who need things like quiet time and naps, and occasionally I would like to go and run some errands by myself without the three of them standing over my shoulder asking when we are going to be done. And also it got a little old that on the 3 days he was home from work he never once got out of bed before 9, which, ok, I get it, you are on a mini vacation from work, you should be allowed to sleep in, but when do I get to do that? When do I get to play hooky from my job? Oh, that is right, I don't.
In all it was fun to have him home, but I was ready for him to go back to work this morning.

My sister and her clan came to town this weekend, which is always fun. They were here to celebrate my birthday and be here for my surprise party. The plan was to go out for a nice dinner Saturday night after meeting Tim's cousin for drinks. Needless to say the drinks were to lure me to this bar where several of my friends for different eras of my life convened to shower me with warm wishes, gift cards, and booze.
While it was not a genuine surprise (thank God, because seriously if I had to walk into a room with my "mom friends" and my high school friends and didn't have at least a little warning to prepare mentally I might have died), it was really sweet of Tim to go to the trouble of planning and executing such an event. In all a good birthday celebration.

Since Nora took a total of 0.00 naps since last Wednesday she was a mess all day yesterday and is currently sleeping off the bender she has been on. Abby is quietly playing downstairs, and I am contemplating the groceries I bought today yet I still have nothing to make for dinner (all the meat is still frozen). I have a ton of thank you notes to write, a drivers license to renew, and an iPhone to return (yeah, Tim bought me an iPhone, I am still not ready to talk about it yet). If only I knew what time it was.....

Wonder Woman and The Witch

Wonder Woman and the Witch
Originally uploaded by K.C. Belle

Happy Halloween!

I can't lie, this was taken the other day during at our Halloween dress rehearsal. We have officially reached our saturation point today. Click the picture to see the real thing.

Brief Recap

We survived Bridezilla's wedding.
It was actually quite fun- I love a good wedding. Abby and I had a lot of fun running around, but by 10pm on Friday she was spent. She (of course) was the perfect little flower girl, and the big hole in the front of her dress stayed disguised behind the sash. I didn't stumble over my reading, and no one threw up. All in all it was a good evening.
The thing that really struck me was the idea that one day my girls are going to be brides. One day I might be mother of the bridezilla, and I can't even imagine what that will be like. Watching the ceremony I kept thinking about how I would feel about Abby's wedding. When I asked Tim what he thought of that all he said was that it was going to be expensive.
In all I am glad this extravaganza is over. I posted some pictures on flickr, but I can't link to them from here (don't ask).
Next up....Halloween....and I have to say that I am way excited about the costumes this year. Abby's is awesome, and Nora is adorable- don't worry there will be a ton of pictures. Tim is taking part of the week off so he will be around for trick or treating, which will be nice. Hopefully we will be able to catch up on our Tivo....

The Finish Line

The weekend of Bridezilla's wedding has finally arrived! After an intense rehearsal I think Abby is ready to get down that aisle. I have tried to blog all week about my mom bailing on her baby-sitting duties, the inane phone calls from Bridezilla, memory foam, and more, but it just hasn't come to me. I am now off to pack for our night away.....
Here is what I am reading today:
(keep in mind that Groomzilla is a headbanger and his favorite band is Black Label Society- yeah, I've never heard of them either)

The Bible says that love is patient and kind, Def Leppard says that Love Bites (love is the way you make it). Johnny Cash thinks that love is a burning thing, that makes a fiery ring, and that’s ok, as long as it is a groovy kind of love.

Elvis will tells you to love each other tender and true, but to also close your mouth and open your heart for a little less conversation and a little more action.

The Beatles can always remind you that she loves you, and you know that can’t be bad, because, really, all you need is love.

Take the advice of Bryan Adams that when it is love you give then in love you live. May you love each other come rain or come shine and keep in mind what Axl Rose says- worryin’ is a waste of time.

Be reminded that while your existence may be flawed you keep each other closer to God. Make of your hands one hand, make of your hearts one heart, only death will part you now.

And that May there be no mountain high enough or valley low enough to keep you from each other, and may you always feel the words of Black Label Society: Living, fighting, obsessing/Just as long as I can share it all with you/Yesterday, today, tomorrow, come rain, come shine/Hell and back, the beginning in between/till the end of time.

Going Green

Riddle me this: does it kind of defeat the purpose of buying energy efficient light bulbs, eco friendly cleaning and paper products, and locally grown organic produce if you are driving your super sized gas guzzling SUV to and from Whole Foods to purchase said items?

Shorts

Here are things I have intended to blog about this past week:

1. I signed Abby up for another preschool that meets 3 days a week so she will be in school all week. While I am excited about the structure to our days, and the stimulation for her, I can't help but be sad at the loss of "freedom". Technically there were three days a week when we were footloose and fancy free (not that we ever did anything of consequence) and now we are not. Oh well.

2. I wanted Abby to start in this school at the beginning of the month and the beginning of one of their "units" (they study something for about a week or two then move on). They are starting a new unit on Monday but Tim doesn't want her to start because he is taking some time off work the week of Halloween and wants to hang out with her the two days that she would be in school. I disagree. What should we do? Do I start her later and let them hang out, or do I let her start now, go and have fun and give Tim the opportunity to hang with just Nora while she is at school? Do I really fight about this considering that he is against this school in the first place?

3. Bridezilla's wedding is next weekend, and so help me if I have to hear one more thing about Groomzilla's bachelor party I am going to kill myself. He went to a strip club. He had several lap dances. She is mentally ill about it and feels like he will spend the rest of their relationship comparing her to every girl he saw. She also has pneumonia so she is home with a lot of time on her hands so she calls me about 15 times a day. The up side; my infertile friend, who is the matron of honor in this extravaganza, has posted pictures of the bachelorette party on her flicker. Go see pictures of bridezilla opening really classy things (the briefs were from me), and me completely not drunk enough to give myself over to this nonsense (yet drunk enough to show all of my teeth in every picture of me as well as sing into my beer bottle). Take a minute to appreciate the look on Bridezilla and Friend's faces when I am tipping Tina Turner, then try to explain what we were doing there if that was their attitude.

4. We went to the pediatrician yesterday and I am happy to report that Abby no longer classifies as "obese". Last year at her 4 y/o check up her BMI was over whatever the percentage was to determine childhood obesity and my pediatrician just happened to mention it was something to watch out for. I kind of freaked out about this because I did not want to put that label on her at such a young age, especially when she was so obviously not overweight. I get it, they have to be careful and make sure that people are educated about this stuff, but it still has pissed me off for the past year. Now the problem is solved....

5. I just got home from choosing my wardrobe for this fashion show I am in this weekend. While in theory it would be fun to "shop" with no budget, it would have been nice to be in a store other than this one. "Ginny", my helpful style coordinator, almost killed me each time I said "my mom would love this!" but I was able to find 2 not too ridiculous outfits to stomp the runway in (I still can't confess to watching the marathons of America's Next Top Model). This should be funny...if I ever figure out my new iPhoto, I will post pictures.

6. The weather has been kooky around here lately. It is cold one minute, hot the next, and it just won't commit to being fall which is irritating. Today, however, is one of those awesome Midwestern fall days where the sun is shining, the leaves are falling, and the wind is crazy. Despite the blue sky sometimes it gets a tad grey outside, and it totally reminds me of being in college and driving on the back roads to go to the Southpark (or Northpark) mall in the Quad Cities after class. If given the option, there are days that I would go and relive the worst day of those years if I could.

There is more, but I have to go fetch the dumplings and head out to watch Bridezilla try on her wedding gown.....

Who?

I had the greatest conversation with Charles yesterday...we were talking about the iPhone, and I asked him if he had a chance to fondle one. In fact he has. When he was in New York he was able to check out Ted Allen's.
Does anyone else think it is kind of funny that he got to check out Ted Allen's iPhone?
When I told Tim about this, his response was: "Who the hell is Ted Allen?"
Do YOU know who I am talking about?
Hint: If you have an idea, BRAVO to you!


Also while I was talking to Charles he reminded me of our upcoming dinner with Amy Krouse Rosenthal. This has been on my calendar for a while, and I am really quite geeked up about this. She is this amazing writer, and every time I pick up her Encyclopedia of an Ordinary Life, I wish she was my neighbor and we could have weekly play dates and go bowling together and talk about books and life and be fun hip intelligent young mothers raising fantastic educated mindful young citizens. While i get that is a pipe dream, I will settle for a simple dinner. Thank God Alpana will be there, which means that wine will be there, so I will hopefully not be too much of a nerd.
We have all been requested to create a play list to share with the group, which kind of excites me. I don't know if anyone will appreciate all of my Joni Mitchell and Fregie Ferg.


Have you figured out who Ted Allen is yet?

But I said no, no,no....

So Mrs. Materialism and I have been playing phone tag all week, and finally we got ten minutes to catch up today. For whatever reason when we get on the phone we both talk about 100 miles a minute, so we are able to get a lot into our conversations. We caught up on the kids, bitched about a few things and got to the important part- gossip.

In the past month Mrs. Materialism has told me about two friends of hers (one who I actually used to hang out with) who have had to check their husbands into rehab. The chick I know's husband was always a big drinker, and the story is that he woke up the other morning at 2 am and told his wife that he had to go to rehab right then. She got a sitter for their kids, drove him to a local hospital where he had 3 times the legal limit of alcohol in his system. As part of his rehab he now has to go to meetings twice a week and do community service. Does that sound like a voluntary admission? That reeks of multiple DUIs, right?
The other chick is actually a really sad story. She just had her third kid (finally a girl- I really think she would have had a nervous breakdown if she had another boy) and her big beautiful house got raided the police because of her husband's involvement in some shady cocaine dealings. He is now in some 16 week program and all of their money and everything is tied up (kind of like the movie Traffic).
Can you even imagine?
Is this just what happens when you have 3 kids?

Family Fun and Photo Ops: Take Two

Have I told you about my single mom friend? I feel like I sit down and start to blog about her then I get frustrated and have to turn away from my computer.

Brief History (feel free to skip this part): Homegirl and I went to high school together. We were friends, then we weren't friends, then we were kind of friends, then we graduated. I went to college, she threw away a full scholarship to DePaul for a boyfriend who was under house arrest. When she was 20 she had her first daughter, the guy got off house arrest, left her and she was a single mom until she met bachelor #2 who married her, adopted her baby, and joined the army. He went to Iraq, came home went a little nuts, and now they are getting divorced (after the first of the year because it is cheaper or something, which is a whole other story). In the time she was married, she had another little girl (coincidentally enough, born the same day as Abby), so now she is on her own with her two girls. In a million years I would never think that she and I would be in touch at this point in our lives, but we ran into each other at this reunion, and we have been talking ever since.
We have kids in common, and part of a shared history. I see a lot of what my mom struggled with- being a single mother with 2 kids- in her, and I am sympathetic. I can't tell if I enjoy her company- she is kind of white trash, she chain smokes wherever she goes, and I can't really deal with her kids. I try not to comment on other people's parenting, but her kids are unbelievable. Which leads me to.....

So last weekend Tim was in Detroit watching the Bears get beat by the Lions (this was my brilliant idea to send him and his buddy away for the weekend leaving me to have my one woman show run continuously for two weeks- another story for another time). When he is working on the weekend, or away like that I tend to call Homegirl and see if she and her kids want to get together. So I set it up with her to go to the Garfield Park Conservatory last Sunday to check out this mosaic exhibit I wanted to see.
This little excursion was beyond a disaster area. I seriously would have liked to have dental work done rather than deal with what I did. I saw some of the most God awful parenting (or lack of?) from this girl, and it took me 2 days to recover from it. I can't go into details because it just pisses me off. I have a picture that defines the day, but my new version of iPhoto won't let me post it. Just trust me on this that it was awful.

Despite how bad our first visit was, Abby really wanted to "show daddy the lady with the buckets", so we decided to head down there today armed with our experience from last weekend.
Can I tell you it rocked.
Despite the heat, and the weirdness going on with Tim and I, it was quite enjoyable.
I took a ton of pictures, that you really must go see.
You will also see a picture of me with Bridezilla and her groom, and my friend with the fertility issues, as well as some great shots of Nora being Nora and Abby going to a birthday party.
Man my kids are cute.

The Isolation Booth

I have been very lonely lately. Tim is just about never home, my sister got a new job and can no longer take my mid-day phone calls (read: cries for sanity), and my conversations with my mom friends are so superficial (seriously, don't these women read?! can we discuss something other than kids?). Sure, I went to Costco with Bridezilla today, but that didn't seem to do it.
I feel like my isolation is effecting my ability to be a good parent, or like my kids are isolated too. I need to enroll Abby in a new preschool (in addition to the one she goes to now- I think 5 days a week would be more beneficial to all of us- not that I want her out of my hair, but because I think she is bored at home with me and Nora- not that I am boring, but I just think it would be good for her) but Tim keeps complaining about how much I spend on preschool already. His argument is also that he didn't go to 2 preschools, so she doesn't need to (duh, he was not the child genius that she is). I get that parenting is give and take and that we have to compromise, but seriously, he spends a fraction of the time with her that I do. I can count on one hand the number of hours he has spent with her in the past week, and even less with Nora. So shouldn't I be able to make this decision on my own?
My other pressing issue is that I need to find a sitter for Saturday night. I had one, but she got Cubs tickets (how can I argue). My mom is busy, and it is a little late to find another sitter. I was looking forward to a night out, but I am probably going to end up just sending Tim (and spending yet another night home alone) to meet his friends we were supposed to go out with.
I feel like I am whining, so I am going to stop now.

Mawwige

Saturday night the ladies and I had dinner with Bridezilla, and I have to say that she was wonderful. Sometimes she is exactly what one needs. She is one of those people that my sister and I love who is completely and unapologetically honest about what they think about everything. She also loves my kids, which gives anyone extra points in my book.
Despite her bizarre wedding demands, as well as the 6 headed monster that this wedding has turned her into, she is a great person and I am glad that she and I are friends. I also dig her fiance (I can't lie I have looked at him on more than one occasion, however, and asked myself, "Self, what the hell is he doing with her?" only because he is totally this tattooed punk kid and she is all potpourri and racial slurs). At any rate, the are getting married at the end of the month and I have to come up with something kick ass to read at their wedding. They are not religious, he is a "musician" (I use the term loosely after seeing his band play), and she wants everything to be perfect. I can't really find a poem that I love, so I was thinking of putting together some song lyrics (kind of a la Moulin Rouge), but I am stuck. I would love to do the 'Mawwige' speech from The Princess Bride, but I don't think Bridezilla would appreciate that too much. I don't have it in me to forever listen to her tell me I ruined her wedding either.
Any suggestions?

What did you do this weekend?

Here are the things I have done this weekend, in no particular order: cleaned my garage, 6 loads of laundry, dinner with Bridezilla, making tags for Bridezilla's wedding favors, rescued my aunt from being locked out of her house, went to the park, sterilized my bathroom, cleaned my house (by this I mean moving one pile of crap to its temporary location, occasionally merging 2 piles of crap), folded and put away laundry, took the train to the city and back, walked the Garfield Park Conservatory, caught up with an old friend, made my mom mad, dug up 4 bushes in my yard, replanted 2 bushes, murdered the Creeping Charlie that has completely taken over my backyard, met the new neighbors, grocery shopping, finished season 1 of Big Love, and I am about to embark on some ironing. Along with all these things I also did some parenting here and there and there were some diaper changes.

I'm tired.

Bad Habits

Can someone tell me why I have needed a nap every day this week at approximately 1:57 pm? It is my new dirty little secret that I turn on Pinky Dinky Doo at 2 and make Abby sit quietly so that mommy can rest her eyes. The problem is that sometimes my nap bleeds into Wu Wu Wubzy (which, seriously, what the fuck is this show?), and once that starts I know she is not going to willfully turn it off so I might as well just stay asleep, right? The weird thing is that I have been going to bed earlier than usual lately. I know what you may be thinking, but I am just about positive that we are not expecting a new little bundle of joy anytime soon. Is this a bad habit?

A bad habit I know that I have is my incurable addiction to all things MTv reality TV? I need to break up with The Hills, really, I just have to, but I just can't seem to do it. I also have this sick fascination with Celebrity Rap Superstar, which seriously is the WORST most God awful crap shown on television EVER (it is even worse than that Cop Rock show that Steven Bochco (sp) did in the early 90s where the police officers sang and fought crime). I was led to Celebrity Rap Superstar by my boy Perez Hilton. I quite enjoy his website, although I sometimes feel a little dirty being that interested in the lives of the rich and famous, but I somehow manage to reconcile with my conscience. I get it that he is barely literate, and that he is mean and blah blah blah, but he is mildly entertaining, and when I found out he was going to be rapping alongside my girl Kendra and Sebastian Bach (my only crush on a famous person growing up with the exception of the fleeting romance I had with Kevin Bacon after seeing Footloose, oh yeah, and the guy from Girls Just Want To Have Fun starring Sarah Jessica Parker "Jeff Malone? I had given you up for dead" what happened to that guy? What was his name?) I was totally all over this nonsense. It really is terrible, but there was something kind of funny about Jason Wahler rapping, and Shar Jackson trying to have a career beyond being Britney's ex's ex.
This show is so wrong, and the one judge's voice is whiny and obnoxious, but with Tone Loc involved, it just feels so right.

I am procrastinating like no body's business. The crap piled up around my house that needs to be dealt with is killing me softly. I am hoping to get some stuff done this weekend but I am single parenting so who knows. Tim gets the weekend off to gamble and watch football with his buddy, while I parent and winterize our landscaping with the help of the ladies. My friend Marnie thinks that I am crazy for giving Tim such a "long leash" and I am not sure what to think of that. He works late 3 nights a week, 1 to 2 full weekends a month, and he gets free reign of his social agenda, but for the most part, when given the option, he wants to just hang at home. Maybe I should be more vigilant about keeping better tabs on Tim, but really, I kind of don't care. Is allowing my husband to make his own choices (even if I don't agree with him) a bad habit?

Moment of Zen

I have sat down to blog about recent happenings around here about 11 times, but I just can't seem to seal the deal. We are currently hovering around bedtime, Nora is bathed and jammied, Abby is winding down, and they are both sitting across from me coloring pictures from the Care Bears coloring book. I could disrupt to crack the whip and get keep them on their "schedule" (read: getting them in bed so that I can complete a task, thought, etc. without their "assistance"), but no one is crying, pulling hair, whining, fighting, whatever, so I'll let them be.
When I last left you I was... well, I don't really remember, but I am sure I haven't told you about Bridezilla's shower and my late night out (complete with sleep over), or my trip to our Nation's Capital, the second rate care my children received while I was there, or the disaster area that is my mother in law.
Now that I have listed all the things I want to tell you all about my lovely ladies have started whining, crying, hair pulling, and fighting. It is amazing how quickly things fall apart. We'll catch up after bedtime, ok?

The Circus, The Bitchfight, The Playdate and My Birthday

Friday I took Abby to the Kelly Miller Circus which came to a neighboring suburb as a fund raiser. It was a small circus with acrobats, trapeze artists, animals and whatnot. The animals kind of stress me out for some reason. I know that they are probably better off in the circus because if they were left to the wild they would have to work for their next meal, whereas at the circus all they have to do is a few tricks then they get a good meal, but it still creeps me out for some reason. I hate the zoo for the same reason. For whatever reason I just don't think it is normal to have Polar Bears in the middle of Chicago, but whatever.
The acrobats at the circus were also kind of creepy. It was this troupe from China and my friend Marnie and I agree that it was eerily homoerotic. Which is fine, but maybe a little much for kids in the middle of the afternoon. Just my opinion....

So Tim's best friend and I have been in this stupid bitch fight since I posted this, and irritatingly enough it still has not been resolved. He was mad that I put that on my blog, I was mad that he sent me this nasty email in response. Things kind of cooled off, but there was still a huge cloud looming and I refused to not acknowledge it. I tried to get him to talk to me, and keep Tim out of it, but to no avail. He was always "too busy" which I guess tells me that it was unimportant to him to resolve out issues. So it was his birthday and we had him and his girlfriend over for dinner the other night to celebrate. I worked harder than I probably should have for someone who is so uninterested in having any kind of friendship with me, and was kind of annoyed that he had a terrible attitude toward me. He wouldn't even make eye contact when speaking to me and when he did all he had to say were rude things. The kick in the pants was that as they were leaving he didn't even say good bye to me. He announced they were leaving, I turned to say good bye to his girl, and when I went to say good night to him he was already walking to his car. It was awful.
Yesterday I was pretty pissed off about this, and sent him an email that I maybe should have thought twice before sending, but what can I do? I would still like to work this out because I think it sucks for Tim that he is stuck between his best friend and his wife and he tries to avoid conflict with both of us in general, especially in this situation. I think I have done enough and that if he wants to fix he he will make the effort. Again, just my opinion....

So Abby's friend from school came over today after class to give her parents some time with their new baby. As we were leaving school we were all standing around oohing and aaahing over the new baby (with a stupid name) and another girl from the class came and joined us while her mom went to get her sister. So I rounded up Abby and her friend and this third little girl asked where we were going and if she could come and play today too. There was a lot of commotion so I pretended not to hear because I really didn't feel like having a huge play date like that today, and it is just too much when they all come over. Does this make me a should crushing bitch, or can I chalk it up to the idea that the two other girls have play dates that don't include Abby and that is ok, so Abby can have a play date with one and not the other?
Just asking.....

So my 30th birthday is around the corner and Tim told me this morning that he is not taking time off for it (we were figuring out when he should burn out his vacation days before the new year), and that we really don't have the money to do anything too spectacular. Now to some this may sound like he is covering up some big surprise party, but alas, that is not how Tim rolls, which is fine. I am not really sure what I want to do for my birthday, but I don't want to have to plan it myself, and I want someone, for once, to put as much thought into my birthday as I put into other people's. I guess I am feeling a little raw that I jumped through hoops for Tim's friend's birthday (which is still being celebrated with a weekend away for the two of them to go to a Bears game in Detroit) and mine will probably go unnoticed. This turned into a whole fight about god only knows what, and I am kind of mad that I am going to have to tell him specifically what I want to do and who I want to join us. I foresee me having to do everything including making a reservation and dialing the phone so that Tim can call people to invite them (don't worry he'll make the call as long as I provide the name, phone number and best time to call for anyone I may want there to celebrate me turning 30, which is a whole other issue entirely...).
I am probably being ridiculous, but I am ok with that. I'm sure that whatever we do will be lovely....

Turf War

This morning I helped out a friend of mine by watching her 7 month old baby while she went to some seminar for her job. I am toying with the idea of helping her out one day a week by watching her two little girls (the baby and a 3 year old) while Abby and her oldest are at school and she is at work. Part of me is into it- I figure I can stay home and do laundry while Nora plays with the 3 year old and the baby does her baby thing. In my mind it will be idyllic, but I am afraid the reality will make me want to kill myself.
So anyway, today we did a test run with just the baby. Abby is way into helping out to feed the baby and diaper the baby and play with the baby, but I had forgotten how irritating her "baby" voice can be. It is this high pitched whisper that she uses to repeat the same 5 phrases about how cute the baby is and how little the baby is and so on. It is awful. Nora on the other hand was not so into the baby. She wailed when I put the baby down in 'her' crib. She tried to push her off my lap when I was giving the baby a bottle. Just when I was starting to fear that Nora was going to be scarred for life by this experience she did the sweetest thing. The baby was getting up from her nap and I was changing her diaper (with some help) and Nora disappeared. I could hear her, but couldn't see her. I finished what I was doing and then went to look for her. She started crying at one point and I found her on the stairs trying to bring the Bumbo seat up from the basement. She looked at me and said "beebee" and made em carry the seat up for the baby.
Cute right?
So this experiment had its highs and lows. My first priority will always be with my children and I am wondering if this is something Eleanor will get over or if this turf war between her and the baby will scar her for life and the pittance I make doing this will not even come close to what it will cost in therapy for her in 15 years.
Thoughts?

Sugar Highs and Sugar Lows

We have spent the morning recovering from a weekend that has thrown off all of our schedules. Friday night the ladies went to Tim's mom's house for an overnight. This was the first step in the downward spiral of our weekend.
I am well aware that my rules do not apply at the grandparent's houses, but my MIL is by far one of the worst offenders. Abby could ask her 'Grandma' (my mom is 'Grammy') for a pony and I think she would oblige. We had a prearranged time for me to drop the girlies off, but when I got there she was missing, and not answering her cell phone. I finally found her (she was at the grocery store buying them absolute crap to eat and more toys that they don't need.
I think she fed my kids refined sugar with ice cream on top for dinner then kept them up until 10:30pm, because when Tim brought them back on Saturday they had this glazed look in their eyes and kept talking about the donuts they had for breakfast and the cookies Grandma had bought them to eat with (for) lunch. I had to leave my little darlings before the sugar wore off in order to get Bridezilla and whisk her away for her bachelorette party.
Now, I get it that I am not THAT old, but I really think I am too old for this kind of bachelorette party. Now there were 7 of us, Bridezilla, the Maid of Honor (sitting, standing, dancing, whatever she was doing she is incapable of keeping her knees together and it just looks weird), the Matron of Honor (she is my infertility friend, have I told you about her?), the groom's sisters (young club hopping chicks), bridesmaid (she is the epitome of a Midwestern farm girl), and me. We started with a "pre-party" at the hotel we were staying at so we could drink and give Bridezilla tacky gifts. We then headed downtown to this drag show and things started going down hill.
So we all go to this bar in the heart of Boys Town and then the conversation starts about which waiter is gay, and which isn't (um, hello, they ALL are). There was also a discussion about the hostess and if she was really a man or a woman. All of this was not hushed, which made us "Those Girls". You know, the obnoxious Bachelorette Party with the bride in a feather boa and everyone drinking out of penis straws. There was no tact while at this bar, but the "Beyonce" was good, and I did a duet with "Tina Turner". When it was decided that drag shows were "boring" we left and went to this bar that the Maid of Honor had found online.
The great city of Chicago is filled with many bars that suit all different kinds of clientele. What we needed was a dark loud bar where these chicks could drink their faces off, dance, flirt, and not be totally conspicuous. Instead we went to this random local watering hole with a bunch of Lincoln Park yuppies who made our whole party the butt of their jokes (I can't lie, had I been on the outside, I would have made fun of us too, hell I did it while on the inside). All these girls took about
1,427,692 pictures each, and once the bar patrons figured this out they started fucking around in the background. There is some asshole in the background of most of these pictures doing something vulgar or stupid, or both. We finally got out of there and tried to go to a 4 am bar that I used to go to. Alas that was 100 years ago and it was gone, so we stumbled into this Irish Pub I used to go to. This place was great. We parked Bridezilla and her drunken posse in the back and made friends with the bartender. All was well until Bridezilla's blood sugar fell (she is a diabetic) and we had a minor medical emergency. A glass of juice and a few sugar packets later we were back in action and ready to go home.
In all, of the 7 of us, 4 threw up at various points in the evening (I wasn't one of them), 3 girls cried (again, not me), 1 girls blacked out, 1 girl made out with some random guy, 2 engaged girls exchanged numbers with some random dudes, and the bride was still drunk the next morning. While I managed to escape the evening with minor cuts and bruises (I woke up feeling like an ash tray), I can honestly say that this will be the last bachelorette party I attend. I hate to say ever, but I am going to anyway.
When I came home Sunday morning Tim had cleaned the house and the kids were at Sunday school with Grammy. They came home with "lunch" (leftover donut holes from that morning and Frosties from Wendy's for lunch- no protein, nothing green, just sugar). Nora refused to take a nap and Abby bounced off the walls until we made it over to Tim's cousin's house to do some tech support and family bonding. This is a whole other blog post entirely.
When we finally got home at 9pm my kids were cashed (My sister used to hate when I used that expression in reference to Abby, but it is so accurate sometimes). The sugar high of the weekend had worn off and the exhaustion had set in. Hence we are spending today eating only healthy greens and fruits with protein and grains. And we are all napping.
No more sugar for us.
At least not today.......

Reason #5182

I am fairly convinced that any married woman who claims to "really like" or "adore" her mother in law is lying. The same can be said about mothers of married sons and their daughter in laws.
That being said, this is reason #5182 that I think my MIL hates me, and why I hate her:



Why in the fucking hell would anyone ever buy me such nonsense? And seriously, she is one of the many people who tell me on a regular basis how small my house is, and how cluttered it is with a bunch of crap we don't need. Now my house is even smaller and I have to find a fucking place for these god awful fucking scarecrows that make me swear like there is no tomorrow. Seriously who in their right mind who liked me even a little would buy me such crap? What the fuck am I going to do with these things? I have to display them because she is so ridiculously excited about how "adorable" (her word, not mine) they are and how funny she thought it was that the little ones look just like Nora. Speaking of which, notice the lovely outfit Nora is wearing in that picture. That is one of Kathy's purchases, and seriously, my baby looks like she has been shopping at the Limited Too. Isn't she too young to be dressed like a hussy?

Anyone need some scarecrows? Here look at them again:

I'm not overreacting, am I?
Didn't think so.

Back to School

Tuesday marked Abby's first day of 4 year old pre school.

She woke up at about 6:45 (which is huge for her) and bounced off the walls until 8:55 when it was time to walk down the block to her first day of her last year in pre school. She had been asked the night before if she was ready for school and had said "No", but called me into her room later to tell me that the only reason she said that was because she wasn't dressed for school (everyone knows you can't go to school in your jammies!). Of course she had a wonderful first day, and made a new friend named Michael, and met the new girls, but they were playing with Annie (not Abby's favorite, and dare I say nemesis) so she didn't play with them yet. She is learning to write her full name and practiced reading a Bob Book to the whole class!
She was absolutely cashed all day yesterday from getting up so early the day before, but after an early bedtime last night and a good morning we got her off to her second day just fine.
Abby's second day of school marked Eleanor's first day of Parent's Day Out in the basement of Abby's pre school.

This means that one day a week for the duration of the school year both of my children will be entertained and supervised in the same location by someone other than me which leaves me available to clean my house (without 2 little cherubs destroying 2 rooms while I clean 1), go to a doctor's appointment or the like without struggling to find someone to watch my kids, I could go shopping without the the assistance of my darlings. I could do just about anything that fits into the 4 hour time slot I have been given. Can you believe it?
Me neither.

So why do I feel bad that this morning while Abby was fine, Nora clung to my leg saying "no" when I asked her if she was going to have fun at school. Why do I feel bad that when Abby was Nora's age she was at home with me and I never checked her into something like this. I was able to manage it, but for whatever reason its NOW that I need these 4 hours. And really, its 4 hours, I get it that it is not the end of the world, but can I be just a little neurotic about this?
Actually, I can't, I have stuff to do....ALONE!

Love Bites

Is it really Wednesday? I am so confused...
First, lets all say Happy Birthday to my fabulous little niece who turns the big 2 today. We packed up the troops and headed to the Motor City to be in Clementine's birthday bike parade this past weekend, and oh what a time we had.
My sister likens our visits to that of a travelling group of performers, gypsies if you will, who arrive in the middle of the night, do a show and leave before you can notice that they have trashed your house and fucked your kid's sleep schedule. We left super early on Saturday morning so as to avoid the Labor Day traffic in and out of the Windy City (seriously, Chicago traffic is such a fucking nightmare!) and got there in time to have donuts with the posse before the men folk headed out to some La Mans Belle Isle Grand Prix Race thingamajig (Tim has not really stopped talking about it since he went, and I am still marginally unclear on exactly what this was. Yeah, I get it, a car race, do I need to know more?).
While the guys were doing this the ladies all helped get ready for Clementine's birthday part. This entailed anyone under the age of 2 taking a nap while my step mother played with Abby and Amanda and I talked in the kitchen. Once everyone was up we went to the Riverwalk to splash in the fountain and give my dad's wife a geography lesson (yes, Detroit really is THAT close to Canada). Our day was capped off with Pizza Papalis, so I was a happy auntie.
Clementine's birthday party was wonderful despite some spilled Kool Aid on the white birthday dress and some other mishaps. By the time the cake was served Abby was so tired and overstimulated that trying to reason with her was just about pointless. Her head is in every picture of Clementine and her cake, and I think my poor sister is going to be photoshopping her out of the present opening too. It has to be hard to be the oldest. Last year Abby was able to open most of Clementine's presents because she was only 1 and totally uninterested. This year the birthday girl was totally clued in and Abby was constantly asked to sit on her hands, which sucks, but hey, that's life. Despite a good nap Nora was also kind of a mess in a different way.
It is no secret that my kids are slightly OCD about things. Abby has to have things lined up just so, and Nora finds the most random things to obsess about. Once the party ended all the little girls were playing in Clementine's play room. She has this fun little kitchen with a fridge and a stove, and a little sink to "wash" dishes in. For whatever reason Miss Eleanor was insistent that the refrigerator remain closed at all times. She and Clementine came to blows about this with little problem, but at the end of a long day when Abby and Nora had it out about the play refrigerator door it got ugly. Really ugly.
So Abby wanted to get the eggs out of the fridge, Nora wanted to door closed, Abby tried to explain, Nora screeched, Abby raised her voice, Nora bit Abby as hard as she could leaving a huge welt and two little girls in tears. I put Nora in a time out (the saddest one ever- the only good place was on a stool in the kitchen facing a wall- it was so sad) and comforted Abby all while trying to avoid a parenting lecture from my dad (it never came, thank God). Nora apologized to Abby (gave her a hug, really) and all was well after that, but seriously, biting, I don't think I can deal with that.
Quickly after this incident we packed up the Jeep and headed out so that my sister could try to piece back her house from having us stay for 48 hours. We got home late Sunday so that I could make my belly dancing show on Monday and get Abby off to school well rested on Tuesday. Thank heavens we are about to get back into a regular routine or school and dance classes. As fun as summer is, I need a vacation from my summer vacation.
Of course, pictures from this weekend are up on flickr. One of my favorites being this one:

Don't mess with her, she'll bite you.

It's Merlot Time

My mom watched the kids while i filled in at work today. On my way home at about 5:15pm I stopped in at Garden Fresh (a new local grocery store) to grab a few things. Now, I am rarely out in the world at that time, and just about never in the grocery store then, so I was surprised to see that every single person I encountered was buying a bottle of wine. The woman in line in front of me was buying 2 bottles of red wine, cube steaks, ice cream, and a Polish tabloid. The woman behind me was buying a bottle of white wine and 2 bananas. Behind her the guy was buying garbage bags, a jug of wine, and a 6 pack of beer. I scanned a few others on my way out- all buying wine.
Is this what the working people do on their way home?

(I'm not judging, just curious. Wouldn't it be more cost effective to buy it at Costco in bulk rather than stop every day?)

Kate & Allie

I feel like crap today.
The girls and I are sharing a case of the snot nosed, crusty eyed, coughing fit yuck. We all have our parts on the sick kids chorus- Abby sneezes and wheezes, Nora has a good phlegmy cough combined with crying and whining, I cough, moan, and sniffle, and Tim takes care of the whining. Since we are not really contagious (I think), and we had to get out of the house at some point, I decided to take the ladies to the "play room" so that I could go to pilates class at W3. So off we went....
Pilates sucked- I haven't done it in a while so I have lost some flexibility. About two thirds of the way through the class we were starting the ab work and I literally felt my back creak and decide to not unbend for the rest of the day. I hobbled through the rest of class, and the rest of the afternoon with little problem. Tim actually came home early this evening and we went for a walk after dinner. About a third of the way around the block Tim started whining about pulling the wagon so I took over and brought us home. My back hated this almost as much as it hated the 2 hours of belly dancing rehearsal that followed.
So my evening has consisted of laying on the couch moaning and sniffling and occasionally coughing. What has totally made me feel better are the 9 episodes of Kate and Allie on my Tivo.
Why do I love this show so much?
Is it because I have seen every single episode probably 11 times each? Is it because I grew up on this show and I can vividly remember sitting on the "giant napkin" (the couch in the den in the house I grew up in) watching it every Monday night on CBS? Is it their banal chit chat and canned laughter that I find so comforting? Whatever it is, it makes me sublimely happy.

The Birthday Party

My mom's birthday has always been celebrated over 2 days (August 27th and 28th) because of a mix up in her childhood. She had always celebrated on the 28th but then when she was about 15 she found her birth certificate saying that her birthday was the 27th. When she inquired about this my grandmother dismissed her, saying she was born in the middle of the night. In reality, my mom was born the morning of the 27th, however in those days they would knock you out to give birth, so she just counted the birthday as the day she finally came to.
We have always had a good laugh about this, and done our best to celebrate over the 2 days. While we had her big 60th birthday bash the weekend before last, I hosted a little birthday fete here last night. I do my best to fuss over other people's birthdays because I really believe that no matter what anyone says, they do enjoy the attention. I had invited my mom's beau, as well as her sister and my cousin. I didn't get around to calling my aunt until Sunday because I was kind of waiting to see if we were going to have power to determine what our plans were going to be. She (of course) did not feel like the invite was sincere enough so she declined. I was content to have it just be my mom the beau, the girls and I (Tim had to work, are you surprised?), but my mom told me to call my mother in law and invite her too. Oy.
So they all came over, we watched the girls play outside while dinner finished preparing itself. I prepared cocktails and about 15 seconds later my mom and my mother in law were hammered. It was so far beyond obnoxious I wanted to die. My mom just alternated between gushing and making inappropriate comments to my mother in law about how foolish she is for staying with her philandering husband. This went unnoticed because my mother in law refused to let anyone start a sentence without arguing with/talking over it. I usually can handle this, but when I was giving Nora some Benadryl from these poorly marked prefilled things and she started telling em that I was doing it wrong I just about lost it. They are these 5mL prefilled spoon things, Nora is to take 1/2 a tsp of Benadryl when needed. If there are 15mL in 3 tsps according to my conversion chart, then the spoons are 1 tsp, so she should have half. My MIL told me that I had not given her enough and kept trying to give her the rest of the prefilled spoon. She even went so far as to take it out of the trash and bring it into her room after I tucked her into bed. I was happy to have caught her before she overdosed my baby. All of my arguments and mathematical explanations of my actions were disputed. She kept telling me that I was wrong, and as she did so her voice became more and more shrill. I seriously had to bite my lip to keep myself from absolutely losing it. This was the last straw after listening to her interrupt anyone who spoke at dinner so that she could argue with them.
Where was my mom during all this? She was gushing all over her beau about the golf clubs he bought her as a birthday gift. Now, my mom has never golfed a day in her life, and has legitimately tried to do so with him, but complains about it constantly (when he isn't listening). It was sweet of him to get her such a nice gift, and she did thank him profusely, but it got to be a bit much as she continued to down Dewars and talk about how they were now committed to one another over golf clubs. Not as irritating as my MIL, but still a bit much.
So now I think we are officially done celebrating my mom's 60th birthday. We are now ramping up for a wonderful second birthday celebration for my niece. We are off to Detroit sometime this weekend, but pinning Tim down for an ETD is kind of like reasoning with a 4 year old. He is allegedly going to be home tonight so that I can get to my rehearsal for my recital on Monday, but I will believe it when I see it...

Love Thy Neighbor

There is this guy who lives next door to us and he and Tim have kind of become buddies over the 5 years we have lived here. Mike is in his 40s, and lives with his mom. Despite the fact that he is kind of a deadbeat, he is not really living there because he can't hack it at life. No, he takes care of his mom and the house he grew up in, a fairly noble undertaking, right? Kind of.
Like I said he is sort of a deadbeat. He doesn't hold a steady job, and just kind of works as a handy man here and there when he feels like it. I have heard from a neighbor who he did some work for that he is kind of lazy, and didn't do a very good job, but still he is a nice enough guy.
Before we had a snow blower he would always do the strip of sidewalk between our houses after a snow storm. He lends us tools when we need them, and always chats with Tim over the fence. For some reason this summer their "relationship" has really blossomed and now Tim and Mike spend at least one night a week drinking beer and chain smoking. Is it horrible to say that I wish it would stop?
As I said, Mike is a nice enough guy, but he is astoundingly racist. I find it beyond painful to talk to him sometimes. I just can't listen to him complain about the "Pollocks down the street", or the "colored family" around the corner, and those are the just the basic slurs he makes. Once he gets comfortable with you (as he has with us), you get all the offensive gems about the terrorists, and any other minority. I learned early on that it was not worth it to argue with him on any level. He is one of those people who will never see the error in his judgment, so I don't bother and quietly do a happy dance that he has yet to procreate and pass on his ignorance.
My biggest problem is not only the racism, it is also the fact that he over stays his welcome. He stopped by our party Friday and ended up staying until 3am, making fun of the fact that we had a generator powering our house while the rest of the neighborhood "suffered". He came back on Saturday night to drink more of our beer and continue to kind of pick on Tim about our generator. He didn't stay as late this time, but he did drop plenty of racial slurs. I finally excused myself and went and washed my mildewy towels and did the dishes since our power had come back on. He tried to come over again last night, but I was kind of bitchy and I think he got the hint.
How do you strike a balance between anonymity (did I mention that his mom is home all day and totally keeps track of our comings and goings, and he has started to as well) and community? How do I maintain a neighborly relationship with this guy and not go crazy?

Back on the Grid

After 48 hours we are back on the ComEd power grid. While we were a lot better off than the rest of our neighborhood, with the generator and all, it was still stressful. Friday's party went well despite the circumstances. Mother Nature really helped me out by making it less obvious that I had not planned very much at all for this party. My mom and mother in law came over Friday during the day to "help out" by watching the kids while I cleaned up and got ready. Why is it that whenever Tim's mom comes over to help I end up making her lunch and catering to her? Seriously, don't tell me you are here to watch the kids when you are standing out front talking on your cell and smoking. The worst is that my mom is just as bad. The two of them kept leaving the girls to their own devices while they did random (and quite unhelpful) stuff around my house. Gee Mom that nap you took really helped me out. And Kathy, thanks again for dropping that tub of salsa on the kitchen floor, as you said I needed to clean it anyway.
Once the mothers and the children left, party planning went rather well. This whole generator thing was actually quite fantastic, even though we were not using EVERYTHING electric in the house, it was nice to know that I possibly could. So at 7pm on the button Bridezilla's groom's friends started showing up. They are a nice enough bunch, our Infertile Friends (I've told you about them, right?) were here and and it is always good to see them. Our neighbor came by and joined the party, which is another blog post entirely. The lows were a broken thigh bone (dude kicked a hippity hop someone was sitting on, and is having surgery tomorrow) and Tim doing shots, but all in all it was a good time.
I spent most of Saturday feeling pretty guilty about having power when everyone else didn't, and we gave the generator a rest while we went out for lunch so that Tim could nurse his hangover. We finally got power back late last night. Our neighbor came over (again) to celebrate, and (again) stayed way too late.
Things are getting back to normal now that I can return to my routine of doing endless loads of laundry, and the kids are over tired after a weekend of having daddy home.
Hooray! The storm is over...

Party Time

So we have limited power from the gas powered generator that is humming outside our back door. I am madly preparing for tonight's festivities.
More about the storms and all later (too much to do).
I think one of ther reasons I love Tim the most is becuse his priorities are in check. The first things to get power were the sump pump (to avoid flooding), the fridge (to avoid spoiling) and the Internet.

Last Night's Blog

I blogged by candlelight last night:

The Midwest is underwater. At about 3:30 this afternoon a storm came through that took our power out, thus causing our sump pump to stop moving the downpour of rain away from our house. Since it was still daylight they girls played quietly while I checked the pump every 10 minutes and watched the water rise in the well. We watched the storm and Abby sweetly kept telling Nora not to be scared of the crashing thunder and bolts of lightening.
I called Tim at work to tell him that we had an issue, and he immediately kicked into crisis mode (this entails a whole bunch of running around spinning his wheels and yelling “We’re FUCKED!” about every 8-10 minutes). Once he finished up at work he hopped into the “shop truck” (an extremely large quad cab dealimo that is currently parked across my lawn) and headed off to Costco to buy a generator. Apparently he also browsed Costco with his dad, picking up some random things which was kind of funny, but not really as the water was pouring from the sump pump well at this point.
After some puddle jumping between bursts of storms, a dinner of peanut butter sandwiches and ‘berry fingers’ (raspberries lovingly place on the tip of each finger), and a bath by lantern light, I tucked the ladies into their warm little beds (why does air not flow through my house? Seriously, within 10 minutes of the power being off the house went from being 76 degrees to 83 and climbing-oy!).
Tim finally came home in a fit of vulgarity about traffic, the gas station (gas needed for the generator), and the storm. I helped him put this generator together and tried to stay out of the way as he fluttered around the house seeing where there was power (our circuits are kind of screwy). Once we go the sump pump working I started mopping the 2 inches of water down the drain in the basement.
While I was doing that I kept thinking of all the people who didn’t have generators and who had to watch their basements flood and just listen to the recorded message from ComEd saying that millions of people were without power, and that it could be days before it was restored in our area. Tim then came down stairs and asked me how it felt to be the only house in the neighborhood with power. I didn’t tell him that I thought it was kind of a shitty feeling. Sure, we’re lucky that nothing has been damaged and we are (so far) coming out of this with a bunch of wet towels and a new generator, but what about the lady around the corner who is alone right now because her husband is over dying on the cancer floor at Northwest Community? What about the family across the street and a few houses down with the new baby? What are they up to? Maybe they are smarter than us and have a sump pump back up.
In the wake of this flood, I am hosting a party tomorrow night here at our house. I have been grousing about this for a while (it is a couples shower for bridezilla and her death metal lovin’ groom- I only know 6 of the 20 scheduled attendees), and I am marginally unprepared, but I was kind of getting into it while I was at the grocery store today. When the power went out my house was clean and ready to go, the food was in the fridge waiting to be prepared, and I had tomorrow all mapped out to pull this thing off. Now my house is covered in sloppy foot prints and the general crap that has been shuffled around during this “crisis”. Can I cancel it if we don’t have power by noon tomorrow?


So my update is this....we have limited power with this generator, and more storms are headed our way. We got 4.1 inches of rain in a matter of 2 hours with 50+ mph wind. It looks like a war zone outside, so the girls and I are going to breakfast to check it all out.
I am still on the fence about this party. I am kind of ready to do it in the face of adversity, but I also know that I could totally cancel and no one would notice. If I thought Tim would roll with it, I would cancel all of our weekend pack up my family and run away to a hotel, but I think that I would have to do that alone (who would watch the generator).

Non Negotiable

I have reconnected with this friend of mine from college recently. We email about once a week and get together when her school schedule allows (she is in nursing school and absolutely hates it- she wanted to quit once she decided that she definitely didn't want to be a nurse, but her husband told her that she had to stick with it so that she could one day help support the family because he did not want that responsibility to fall solely on him for the rest of his life, which I can kind of see, but forcing her to do something she is sure she doesn't want to maybe isn't the best route to take, but it is not my marriage so whatever). She has a little boy who turned 1 in April. She is one of those people who had a kid because someone asked her why she didn't have any and she couldn't come up with a reason not to so she didn't refill her pill prescription and here we are.
We got together a few weeks ago and she told me how her husband really wants a lot of kids and how he has been trying to get her pregnant despite her desire to wait until she is done with school.
So she emailed me today, and of course she is pregnant, due 2 days after her first's second birthday. Her husband, who was this little stoner fuck (seriously, the only way to describe him, he is a total twerp) is taking the test to be a police officer in DeKalb, and still won't let her drop out of nursing school because the benefits are going to be so great when she is working for a hospital and he is working as a cop.
Tell me this, do people really live like this? She is beyond miserable, knocked up with a kid she doesn't really want, but her husband is over the moon so she just rolls along with it. I put up with a lot from Tim, and I compromise probably more than he does, but isn't this poor girl rolling over on what should be non-negotiable?
A career she hates and a kid she doesn't really want...would you do that for your spouse? Is it horrible that I wouldn't?

Censored

Tim and I had a lovely night out last night, that deteriorated on the car ride home. While I would love to discuss it here, I feel like I can't. Not because he reads my blog, but for other reasons.
Sometimes being a stay at home mom with a husband who works all the time gets lonely. I crave adult contact and interesting stories that don't involve poop, which is why I listen to a lot of NPR (until Abby gets pissy and demands to listen to the Marie Antoinette Soundtrack so we can dance). Sometimes I just want to tell someone about how delicious Nora is or how funny Abby is, or how irritating my mom is, and there is no one around to tell. This isolation is kind of what led me to blogging as a "hobby". All these wonderful and ridiculous and frustrating things happen in my day to day life and sometimes I need to put them somewhere, and that somewhere is here.
While I realize that I don't have quite the same readership as Perez Hilton, and I rarely check my stats (but I can guarantee that Charles reads my blog shortly after everyone of our phone conversations or rendez vous just to see if I am blogging about him) I know that I have made some little Internet friends (one of whom I referenced last night at dinner which was kind of funny), and that most of my sister's loyal readers check me out sometimes (hi Laura, happy belated birthday-Abby and I can't wait to see you next week!you too, Karen). This eases the sense of loneliness that being home all day brings, which is fantastic.
I also really like the effects of blogging. I have found that typing out posts (even if I don't post them) is somewhat therapeutic, and that once I am able to get my knee jerk reactions to things out into the vast vast Internet, I feel better and am able to deal with things a bit better. Since I do see that airing all of our dirty laundry for the entire Internet to see may not be the best idea, I keep a lot of it in the laundry basket here at home.
Tim and I have hit a rocky patch in our relationship, and I need to talk about it, but is my blog (which he doesn't read) the best place to do it? Is it possible to blog about the trials and tribulations of my life without inadvertently offending someone?

The Greatland

It is that time of year when everyone is out doing their back to school shopping, and we have gotten caught up in the frenzy. We had to go to the mall today so that I could return and exchange some stuff, so I compounded this with a trip to the "big Target" up in an area where consumerism rules, and you can find just about any franchise imaginable.
So we brave the mall and make our way into the Target Greatland, and I almost fell over. Is it me or is it totally overstimulating to have groceries, electronics, clothes, shoes, books, toys, furniture, and liquor all in one place? As soon as I walked in I started to run through all of my lists in my head, immediately they became jumbled- did I need butter or shea butter lotion? what kind of milk did we need? what was on Abby's school supply list? what are we having for dinner tonight? is there anything good on the sale rack in my size? what should we get for the birthday party Abby is going to tomorrow? is there anything here I need for the party we are having Friday? It was a nightmare. I decided to tackle it department by department, but that was no good because there is no flow to the store. Why on Earth woudl anyone think to put diapers and Drano in the same aisle? Is everything alphabetized? No, because then the band aids (shit, I knew I forgot something) would have been by the bananas, right?
The whole place was so overwhelmingly terrible that I got the bare minimum of what I needed and bailed. I think I need a nap this afternoon to recover.
We will be going to Costco and Jewel this afternoon with specific lists so as to avoid being overwhelmed.

Its Bedtime Somewhere, Right?

I am having one of those days where I don't want to be a parent. I don't have it in me to play Barbie, or Candy Land, or come up with an art project, or find a rainy day activity, or clean my house or do anything other than nothing. Currently my girls are laying on my bed, plugged into Cinderella. The little one is crabby, and could use a bath, and the big one is doing her "apple work" (we have these Styrofoam apples that she has been playing with off and on all day. It means that I don't have to play build a bear, so I am totally cool with it). Whatever they are doing I am slightly ambivalent about, which makes me feel horribly guilty, but I feel like I am coming down off a week long sugar high and waiting for the next cookie to kick in.

Last week we had the pleasure of housing my sister and my darling Clementine. Everyday was like a day at the circus. We went places and did things, even the mundane things that I do everyday, and had a ball. There was a frightening trip to the children's museum where I hip checked a kid who was mean to Abby, and poor Clementine was massively overwhelmed by the crowd and sheer excitement of it all (ok, I was overwhelmed too, and so was my mom and sister, and I think Abby might have been too...). There was an impromptu pool party where Abby learned how to ride a "water bike". There was an attempt at a Turbo Kick class at W3, and while Amanda didn't get to feel the burn of the work out she got to experience the epitome of W3 complete with sweatpants under the leotard, bad hair, fanny pack and all. There were family dinners, and jammy walks and all kinds of fun things. The best part was that there was company. Don't get me wrong, I love hanging with my girls, but it was so nice to have adult company, and extra set of hands, another kid for the girls to play with, and someone to talk to once the kids were in bed.
We also had my mom's big party this weekend which was really nice. Amanda and I both were surprised at who my mom chose as her closest friends to celebrate her milestone with, but it was her deal and she had fun. The girls were adorable, and we, yet again, did not get a good family picture of us all dressed cute. My in laws did not end up showing up to the party after the invitation snafu, or so we thought. They showed up on the wrong day and accused Tim and I of giving them the wrong information. Whatever. The party was fine, everyone had a good time, and now I can be done worrying about it.
So now it is Monday, and we are back to that late August blah which is worse than winter vacation. All the camps and classes have ended, new ones have yet to begin and school won't start for a few more weeks. I feel like we have exhausted all of our entertainment opportunities (we have been to all the parks, but it is raining so it doesn't matter, we have over done the play museum, mall playlands, and what not, and the thought of taking them to another movie makes me want to shove bamboo under my fingernails), and I really don't want to take them on a vacation by myself (Tim can't get away from work to be home by 6 let alone take a day off) so we are here, just hanging out, counting down the hours to bedtime.
Everyone has days like this, right?

Checking Out

We are lucky to have my sister and Clementine visiting us the rest of the week! While there will be many a story to be told, I don't think I will be available to tell them until my mom' s party has been cleaned up (note to self, order cake) and we are back to normal.
In our absence please check out how adorable my kids are .
Have a good week!