The Girlfriend

Last night I had a half hour phone conversation with Tony's girlfriend. Since he started dating her it has been made quite apparent that he is way into her and no longer into hanging out with us, which is fine seeing as that is what happens when your single friends start dating someone. I do feel bad for Tim, just because I always thought that Tony had some sort of grounding influence on Tim, and now that is somewhat lacking. Tony has always fought the good fight with me to help Tim not turn into his father, but now that it is just me the war has lost momentum and despite my efforts in vain, the transformation is almost complete. But that is a whole other story....

So I had called Tony's girlfriend yesterday to ask her if she and Tony would be interested in coming over for dinner on Sunday. Since I do this volunteer work with her, every time I see her we talk about getting together, but it never happens. So I am trying to set something up so that I can see if I like her socially so that I can decide if I want to continue volunteering with her. I also think that Tim is feeling a little left out since he has yet to meet this girl and he always thought he and Tony were "first best friends" (do you remember ranking your friends? I always feel like that is what people do when they get married and pick their bridal party).

Anyway, she and I played phone tag all day and then we finally caught up with each other. I think she is absolutely lovely, however I feel like she is one of those people who I can't truly be myself around. And worse, as I was talking to her I could just imagine how Tim would be around her and how that would kill Tony. Sometimes Tim is lacking in certain social graces, as well as the ability to not use the 'f' word and chain smoke in all social situations.

We had a great conversation, and I do like her, but is it bad to say that I was somewhat relieved when she said that they already had tentative plans for a barbecue? She mentioned something about how she was"sure we would be invited" and I wanted to point out to her that we are, in fact, only invited to limited social functions by Tony. We come out for his birthday, and we are invited to his plays, but when we go out afterward we are usually tucked in some corner of the bar and left to entertain ourselves. This doesn't bother us, mind you, I understand having different sections of your life and not being thrilled when they all come together, but I think it is weird that she doesn't see that we are so peripheral. I feel like Tony hasn't completely been himself around her either.

At any rate, I know that this is not really my problem, and it shouldn't bother be since I am, after all, just Tony's buddy's wife, but it does bother me. Once upon a time I thought that Tony and I were friends, but now things are different. Everything has to evolve. My problem is this....it makes Tony uncomfortable, I think, for her and I to interact without his supervision, and I am not completely sure that I am comfortable around her, so why am I continuing to volunteer in her office?