Do you hear what I hear?

The Christmas spirit has been sucked out of me and it didn't even feel good.
On December 2nd I was aglow with holiday spirit. We were putting up the tree, I was was listening to the radio station that plays non stop Christmas music from November 1st to December 26th (which, hello, why cut it off so abruptly? why do we have to start Christmas so early and then kick it out the day after without even leaving any money on the nightstand?), and I was getting ready for Nora's first Christmas, and what Abby assured me was going to be "the best Christmas ever!".
Then my mom came over and went crazy about something she did last year (ahem, giving her sister ornaments off of my tree in a lame attempt to repair so many years of damage that the little fucking mitten ornaments just fell into the abyss between them. I digress), then Tim had this minor meltdown and refused to put his Star Wars battle scene on the tree. Which to some may seem like the best Christmas gift of all, but to me it made me sad. I like the Star Wars ornaments, not because we are those people who dress up as Luke and Leia before we do it, but because it is something that he enjoys and that he can add to our tree.
It was that night that I knew we were in for a bumpy night. And our journey through this festive season has been filled with the land mines of Tim's parent's divorce and the mental illness that it brings, a broken furnace that wiped out the holiday budget, a wonderful photographer who's trip to Florida fucked all of my Christmas gifts, and so on. I have managed to power through because I have two kids who do have a ton of the holiday spirit and who deserve at least one parent who can put on a happy face.
But you know what, I have had it. I can't do it all anymore. Tim has helped me shop for the girls, and that is the extent of his contribution to Christmas. Last night while I toiled on a scrapbook to give to HIS mom did he sit by me and wrap the million gifts that need to be dealt with? Did he address or print our "holiday cards" (now wishing Happy New Year because there is no way they are getting done before this weekend? Did he bake cookies? Clean the house? Go to the grocery store? Plan the menu for Christmas day (or now Christmas Eve too since "it is more fun" at our house for his parents to impart their insanity)? Figure out what to get Tony (the most difficult person in the universe to shop for)? Do anything other than take a nap and play computer poker? No.
We have a one woman Christmas show going on here and what sucks is that it is going on while I have to play house too. I know plenty of people have it much worse, and it is all a matter of perspective, but alas this is my fucking perspective, and it blows.
The only thing that is keeping me a little joyful is that it is Nora's first Christmas and we have this fiber optic snowman that brings her such joy I don't know if I have the heart to put it away when all this stuff comes down. Abby's preschool "holiday show" is also tomorrow and if a bunch of 4 year olds in Santa hats with bells singing songs doesn't pump a little of the holiday spirit back into me then nothing will.
I wish I celebrated Hanukkah like Charles.