Saturday, December 23, 2006

A Memo to My Father in Law

Hi Jerry,
Remember me? I married your son? You know the kid who idolizes you and you shit on him constantly? Not familiar? Let me make this easy, the guy who transports you to and from the airport all the time? Got it? Good.
Anyway, I just wanted to let you know that calling me literally 24 hours before you are supposed to be at my house and asking me what to get your granddaughters for Christmas is uncool. First of all, a lack of planning on your part is not an emergency on my part so back off on calling my cell phone because Tim didn't answer his cell, or the house phone. Second, your estranged wife has already bought them every single toy, outfit, book, anything you can imagine to the point that even Santa was having a hard time finding something in his workshop for these kids. Third, I don't really care that you have a cold. If you are so sick that you had to go to a doctor who didn't tell you what you want to hear (an is thus a "quack" according to you) then please don't bring it into my house tomorrow. Keep your disease to yourself.
Happy shopping!
Your Daughter in Law

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

One good thing about passing on X-mas is that Hannukah Harry seems much lower maintenance (at least for now). But take heart, you can read about all my trials and turbulation with my own particular brand of extended-family dysfunction over the new year! My gift to you!
= )