Domestic Disturbance

I am working every afternoon this week, which has its pros and cons.
Heavy on the list of pros is that it is a huge chunk of cash that I can use for a new fall wardrobe for me and the ladies or an iPhone for Tim. I also get a few minutes to myself in the stupid commute during the middle of the day (seriously, where in the fuck is everyone going? It is insane how much traffic I encounter at noon). And I guess maybe that is it for the pros, because, as my dad says "They don't call it work because you are going to vacation".
The cons are more numerous....
First I have had to find someone to watch the girls from noon until 4 each day. While my mom immediately volunteered she then provided me with this bizarre list of hours in which she couldn't be there. So how it has broken down is that my mom is doing 3 days, my mother in law is doing the other two. While I have my little teeny bopper who is also available, I am reluctant to use her after the most recent disasters when she has sat for us (did I tell you about what a deadbeat she is? I mean, sure, Abby is wandering around a balcony and riding elevators unsupervised, but this chick is worse). Anyway, would it kill either of the Grandmas to pick up a fucking toy. Sure, my mom always does the dishes when she comes over, but the rest of my house looks like a bomb went off. My MIL was here today and I swear she took out every toy she has ever bought them (that I didn't return back to Kohl's) and threw them around the house. I know that it is difficult to get Abby to clean up sometimes, but seriously, I can do it, why can't anyone else?
In the same vane, the dishes are making me crazy. Sunday night I asked Tim if he would please just unload the dishwasher (something he rarely does, if ever). He told me he would do it before he went to bed. We had been down the stairs watching the world's worst television show, ever, and he went upstairs while I finished printing something. I thought for sure he was going to be emptying the dishwasher when I came up, but instead he was passed out across our bed slack jawed and snoring in a way that I swear he hid from me so that I would marry him because if I had seen it before we got married I seriously would have thought twice. I'll try to get a picture for you....
So I emptied the dishwasher and seriously as I was closing the cabinet after putting the last thing away, Tim appeared and said, "I was gonna do that". Really? What about his passed out body language said "I'm gonna go empty the dishwasher now"? was it the deep throaty snores? Maybe the drool coming out of the side of his mouth? Hmm, maybe I missed something?
Last night we had a similar mishap when he just left his dishes form the microwaved crap he made himself for dinner on the counter for me to tend to. When I (calmly) asked him this evening if in the future he would please just rinse his stuff and put it in the dishwasher, I would really appreciate it. He was sheepish at first then got really mad and told me that he was so sorry that he did not meet my expectations, but there were plenty of times when I did not meet his.
And seriously I am debating surprising him with an iPhone? What the hell is wrong with me?
At any rate, since we had this conversation we have been passive aggressively parenting, and he is trying to be super dad when all the girls want is me. He is now gloating as he reads Abby her bedtime stories. Little does he know that if I have to read Priscilla: Superstar one more time I might scream.
I have to go get ready for belly dancing class anyway.