Chewing Gum and Finger Quotes: Let's Talk Current Events

I have a confession to make.
Every Friday I eagerly look out my window and wait for our beloved mailman, Rusty, to show up. When he sits in the mail truck and talks on the phone and (God forbid) eats his lunch I get annoyed. Why can't he do that once he has delivered my mail? Why is my Friday mail so important? Because it is every Friday that I get my People magazine. I know I know, it is pretty much trash with shiny pictures, but I love it. I love everything from the online poll and letters to the editor in the front to the Passages and the crossword puzzle in the back. I read it every Friday night once the ladies are tucked in and Tim is busy driving his desk or whatever it is he does when I am not looking.
I am not completely celeb obsessed, but I am curious. I guess I am just curious about people in general (hence my odd interest in blogs). If there were a weekly magazine published that let me know what everyone in my neighborhood was up to I would read that too. I love to know what everyone is up to. Just call me Gladys Kravits.
Since I am grossly enamored by the life and times of the Hollywood elite, I was glued to my TV for an hour this evening watching the Matt Lauer interview with Brittney Spears. Did you see this?! OH MY GOD, it was a train wreck in action. First of all, can we talk about Matt Lauer? As he was introducing this fiasco I could just tell he was thinking "Where the hell is Katie when I need her? I mean can't CBS wait while she does this shit? I can't talk to this woman with a straight face for 2 minutes let alone an hour! Isn't Maria Menudos available?". And where were his socks? You could just tell that he was kind of unnerved by this whole thing since she sought him out for the interview.
Now, as for Miss Brit, what he fuck? I mean really, that outfit? Was she serious? (the scary thing is that I think she was) Put your boobs away, brush your hair, and spit out the damn gum! And if she inappropriately inserted "finger quotes" one more "time" I was going "to" vomit! As they showed clips of the artist formerly know as Brittney in her little outfits with her great abs gyrating in your face I started to feel bad for her. How would you like to be reminded of your pre baby body every 10 seconds of your pregnancy? And do we believe her when she says her marriage is "awesome"? Us Weekly was calling the Nick/Jessica split months before it happened, and when Brit Brit couldn't look Lauer in the eye when answering questions about her white trash hubby I began to wonder (for the record, I give them 1 more year). And, how does she not know how far along she is in her pregnancy? And, did she really call her kids "Boo-Boos"? That is what we call mistakes, not children.
The saddest part was when Matt showed us an interview he did with her back in 1999, right before her fame hit. She was so articulate and polished (Tim's word, not mine). And her hair was such a lovely blonde. Now she is "country" (Brit Brit's word, not mine) with the most unfortunate trailer park blonde I have seen since I lived in Monmouth. Poor thing.
I actually feel bad for her in a way. Not that I think she needs sympathy, but I feel like I understand her. When Abby was 5 weeks old and I cut her finger while trimming her nails and it bled so badly I wanted to take her to urgent care, I was not on the cover of People. My parenting abilities were not put into question the time that Abby fell down the stairs or ate the cat's food. The truth is that parenting is trial and error to some extent. I used to have this joke (ok, it was lame, but it is my version of a joke), when Tim would ask me why Abby was doing something or what we should do about something with her I would always tell him that I left her manual at the hospital (see, not funny, but it got my point across). As parents we do the best we are capable of, and hope that we can save enough money for the therapy fund when they are old enough (remind me to tell you about the Capable Kid). We "little people" are actually lucky because we don't' have 10,000 photographers in our faces when we do screw up.
Sure we read about the Andrea Yates trial in the newspaper, but we are not constantly reminded that millions of children are abandoned or abused everyday by their mothers. No, we are reminded that Brittney Spears let her baby fall asleep in the back of her Mini in a forward facing car seat. Sure he looked uncomfortable, but can you tell me that everytime your kid falls asleep s/he is the picture of posture?
I didn't think so.
The truly saddest part about the interview was when she announced that she was coming out with a kids clothing line. Who does she think she is, Charlie Sheen? And who does he think he is, Jane Seymour?

On another topic (yet still celeb related) can we talk about something? Anna Nicloe Smith, pregnant? Really, who let that happen? Where was Howard K. Stern? I wake up in a cold sweat everynight thinking about it. (ok, not everynight, but maybe I will tonight?)

On yet another topic, can we talk about your president insulting the blind man? Are you serious that he speaks for me at U8 meetings? Is it over yet, or are these 4 years going to last forever? I think Eleanor could do am better job with Abby as the vice president than what is going on now.

alright, I'm done now. Next time we can talk about Ryan Seacrest