So yesterday I went to teach my class and when I go there I noticed that my lab coat and paperwork were not in my car. They never leave my car, why would they start now? Then I remembered that Tim had taken my car to move some stuff out of his mom's house on Sunday, and he must have moved my stuff.
Now Tim moving the crap at his mom's was kind of an issue. There is this new regime in which Tim's mom asks him to do something, and Tim, being a control freak asshole like his dad, puts it off until it is his idea (he does this with just about anything that anyone asks him to do, but then he forgets he had to do something in the first place then he gets mad if someone reminds him that he forgot or nags him about getting it done) this tact usually blows up in his face. Lately when he puts his mother off if it goes on for more than a day she calls his dad and tells him that Tim is not helping her or being supportive of her thus resulting in an angry call from Tim's dad which leaves Tim feeling like a scolded little boy for 4 days and building resentment in Tim towards his mother. Oh the joys of divorce, I can't wait for Thanksgiving!
Anyway, I tried to avoid this series of events by suggesting that Tim go and move this stuff when his mom called because it was a good window of time for him to do so. The kids were fine, I was starting dinner, and there was nothing holding him back from just moving this shit and bringing it back. No big, right? Wrong. Of course Tim left in a huff because he just doesn't like being told what to do.
Fastforward to yesterday when I had to go teach and my stuff wasn't in my car. I call Tim because I had honestly could not fathom where this stuff could be since I never take it out of my car. Our conversation went like this:
Me: If you were my lab coat, where would you be?
Him: I would be in the garage where I put it when you made me go get that shit from my fucking mom's house.
Me: Settle down, I'll just teach without my lab coat and home that I don't get burned by chemicals ( I then giggled because I teach fun science to 1st graders who just sit and pick their nose anyway and we rarely use any chemicals of consequence)
Him: FINE! I DON"T HAVE TIME TO FUCKING DEAL WITH THIS BULLSHIT!
*click* he hung up on me
We haven't said more than 3 words since.
Now I know that I am no saint, and that I should have talked to him last night, BUT I think that he owes me an apology for hanging up on me and talking to me like that. When I came home last night form a meeting I went to, I noticed that Nora's high chair was cleaned off, which I think was his way of apologizing. Am I wrong to think that isn't enough? Am I being stupid that I think he needs to say it. I am also a little bent out of shape that he blames me for my stuff not being in my car because I made him go to his mom's house. Am I right that this is not my fault? (This is not a rhetorical question, I really do what to know if I am handling this poorly)
Tim has some anger issues, and he has some big issues with how he handles people, but I am already raising 2 kids, I can't raise an adult too. There is a lot he never learned about dealing with people or his reactions and problems with people. I really think he needs therapy for all the damage his parents have done to him, but he thinks that he is fine and refuses to do it. I loved when he quit smoking using Zyban because it got just that little bit of Wellbutrin in his system that I think he so desperately needs, but then it fell to the wayside when his parents started falling apart and he started smoking again.
The problem is that we had this fight about how he yells at people just last week when he just paraded around the house ranting about anything he could think of. Tony even put him on probation after a phone conversation they had. When that happens I know that it is not just me.
So what do I do about this? It is not just that I need an apology (actually I don't need one for any other reason than that I think Tim needs to take responsibility for what he does and says), I need to not have this same argument again and again and again.
Any suggestions?
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1 comment:
Frustrating, huh? Well, by just focusing on this post only, and with not knowing ANY of your relationship history with Tim, here's what a perfect stranger makes of the Labcoat altercation.
First and foremost, Tim's basically unhappy and under stress, whether the stress is guinely warranted or simply self-induced. Moving his Mom's shit, however it comes about, can no way be seen as a positive experience for him, so accidentally moving your labcoat just adds insult to injury in this instance and immediately frustrates Tim and puts him on the defensive. Your playful and unintended sarcasm with the "If I was a labcoat, where would I be?" intro would not be properly received in this instance as Tim is feeling quite sensitive. To him, screwing up YOUR life by his mistake just gets piled on to his own screwed up life which is piled on to his parent's screwed up situation. You have to apologize for being sarcastic and not understanding that moving "Mom's stuff" might not be something he wants to do, and in turn, he has to apologize for snapping and yelling at you, which is apparently his M.O. Isn't life just fun?
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