A Party

Kid's birthdays are fun. The first birthday is always an extravaganza which includes parents and their friends coming together to fete a child's first voyage around the sun. There is cake and beer and pictures. The second birthday passes with less fanfare, but still enough to overstimulate the little darling and send them into a 3 day schedule tailspin. The third birthday is when friends get introduced, and it starts to be less about the parent's friends and more about the kid's. Now we are at the 4th. The first "kids only" party, which flirts with dangerous territory of asking yourself if you just drop your kid off, or do you stay and socialize while making sure that your little darling uses his/her manners and doesn't shit themself.
So Abby's party was at our local park district's indoor playground. It is this kind of gross ballpit that has a big slide and kids can just go bonkers. There were about 15 kids there between the ages of 18 months and 3rd grade (how old are you in 3rd grade?), and it started out really fun. They played in the ball put for about an hour, and Mrs. Materialism's little dividends (Thug, the elder one, and Duh, the little one) terrorized all the other children there. They just ran wild and had a ball jumping and chasing eachother. I was thinking about how well behaved they all were when all of a sudden Abby burst into tears because Thug had pushed her. When I asked him if he did he said "She was in my way". I made him go apologize, and all was well until Kate burst into tears because yet again Thug was pushing. I told him if he did it again he was not allowed in the ball pit and Mrs. Materialism told me that she would take it from there. She proceeded to do nothing.
Normal turbulence continued and we did cake and a pinata. Ever since Abby saw a pinata at another kid's party she has been begging me for one, and I thought it might be a fun activity for them.
Here is a tip, it may not be a good idea to stand on a chair dangling a pinata over 4 year olds while they swing with a broom stick. Also, make sure that the swinging space is far away from other children.
Cake was eaten, pinata was burst, candy was everywhere and there was still 20 more minutes of party left. Fuck.
Everyone went back to the ball pit. During these last 20 minutes Abby's friend Rachel arrived with her Alpha Mom, and sisters in tow. Rachel was late because she didn't want to come due to her overwhelming social anxiety. She just wanted to play with Abby alone. Alpha Mom didn't care, she wasn't going to pass up a free activity for all her kids just because Rachel's social anxiety was flaring up. So as this circus is going on, and Rachel wouldn't stop crying until Abby came and sat with her, I go to see what is happening in the ball pit. I walk in and I say to Tim's cousin, "Wow, one of the babies sure needs a diaper change!" and that is when I see him. Abby's friend Robert standing next to the ball pit looking sad an a little bit guilty. I approach him, and it was like my bat sense kicked in and I knew exactly what was up.
Robert shit in his pants.
So I take this darling to the ladies room and expect to find some dumpable little kid turds in his shorts, but alas, I was being punished. Robert had diarrhea. And it was everywhere. I lef tthe poor kid in the stall while I went to get wipes and see if I couldn't find something to change him into. I come back and get him stripped down and make him start wiping himself off.
Here is something you should know, when you have to clean up shit that didn't come from you, your spawn, or someone you love, it is gross. Really gross. Really really gross.
I get his pants rinsed out, and him cleaned up for the most part. His pants were wet, and I think he is scarred for life, but I gave him a goodie bag and some candy and sat him down until his mom came to pick him up. When she got there and I told her what happened she started yelling at him in this bizarre passive aggressive way that made me really uncomfortable. She apologized profusely, which was nice, but just not enough after the intimate knowledge I now have with what that kid had for lunch.
I was so busy dealing with this that I missed the latter half of the party, but everyone seemed to have fun.
Here are the highlights:
Thug made 4 different kids cry (not including his brother)
Abby got 6 different gifts with chocking warnings on them which means that Nora is now forbidden from crawling or teething. That is going to go over well.
Mrs. Materialism is one of the top 3 most delusional parents in town
4 year olds cannot break open a pinata unless there is an adult present to tear a hole in it
It takes 3 handwashings, a change of clothes, and a 6 pack of beer to get the smell of Robert's poo out of your nostrils
My mother in law can smoke a half a pack of cigarettes in 2 hours
My mom is sometimes a saint
Rachel's social anxiety is annoying
My daughters are amazing

So we survived, and it was fun for my kid, so I am happy.
I can't believe she is going to be 4 tomorrow.