Tis The Season

What the hell, is it really December?
Oh, I have one more day that is not December, great, thanks.

I am not going to bitch about the holidays being stressful like everyone else. I don't think they are that stressful. I like shopping. While the crowds are annoying, it is sickly fun to be kind to frustrated cranky holiday help and shoppers. I like cramming my already stuffed house with all things red, green, and festive. I like the fight Tim and I have every year about how many lights to put on the tree. I like Christmas music. I like it all.
What I don't like are people who decide to have graduation parties the weekend before Christmas. What I don't like are people who think that we need to hold audience with them on both Christmas Eve and Christmas Day when they are indifferent to us the other 363 days of the year. What I don't like are the Salvation Army Bell Ringers who wish me a 'Happy Holidays' in hopes that I will donate money to their gay bashing fund.
Deep Breath.
I am fairly (and to some, annoyingly) adamantly against taking my kids out of the house on Christmas Day. Part of that is from my own childhood, when I would get all this great stuff and then have to pick one thing to go with me to a relative's house where I would sit and dream of all the cool things that I had back at home but I couldn't play with because I was singing Christmas carols with family that I saw once a year. I am not scarred by this, and my Christmas pasts were not awful, I just look back on pictures of the year that I got a new ice skating costume that I insisted on wearing because I loved it so much I couldn't bear to part with it and get embarrassed that I actually donned it in public. No wonder the weird cousins didn't want to talk to me.
I realize that by 4 pm Christmas day the yuletide wad has been blown and an escape hatch would be nice, but I refuse to use it because I have made such a stink about not going anywhere. This year this is trying to bite me in the ass, but I am meaner. Since August we have planned to spend Christmas eve with Tim's mom and her family. After the last 2 years that Abby has been kept up so far past her bedtime that Christmas day borders on unbearable, I have put my foot down. How we have done it in the past is that we go to Tim's mom's family's party until about 8:30 (past Abby's bedtime) then to Tim's dad's family's party until 11 (really really past Abby's bedtime) then on to celebrate with his parents privately which usually ends at a time when Abby is so deliriously tired that she can't even function enough to be crabby. In the wake of Tim's parent's "parting" I decided to take this opportunity to cut his dad's family out of Christmas and begin alternating between his mom's family and his dad's on Christmas eve, thus leaving Christmas day to spend with our immediate family and oh, yeah, my family too. Since it is unclear whether or not we will be seeing Tim's dad on Christmas eve I told him that if we in fact don't, he can come over Christmas day, but could he please refrain from bringing his estranged wife. I would have told his mother the same thing if it was his dad's family's year for Christmas eve. If we do celebrate with Tim's dad on Christmas eve then the invitation is rescinded, and we will continue to do our thing. Apparently this is entirely unacceptable.
If my family is coming over on Christmas Day, then obviously Tim's parents should both be invited so they can have Christmas with their grandchildren.(as decreed by his mother). Fine, so then they can come over Christmas day, but we will not be getting together Christmas eve. Unacceptable, Tim's mom's family is expecting to see us, we have to be there (as decreed by my mother in law). So let me get this straight, my family is not invited to spend Christmas eve with my in laws, but we have to include them Christmas day? What the fuck? I have also been told that if my father in law is coming over Christmas day, my mother in law will be there also.
And here is the difference between my husband (the spineless wonder that he is) and I...I will not allow that. His parents can have whatever fucked up Christmas they want, but I will not play host to it. If we have to spend an entire fucking Sunday with that woman and, we will not be spending the Monday with her also. Done. There is no discussion. If she wants to include her estranged husband in Christmas eve, bonus, one less person in my house Christmas day.
Am I being unreasonable?
Think carefully before you answer that because I am right here and you can't tell me different until you have met these assholes.
Anyway...
We have to go to this graduation party the weekend before Christmas. It is for someone my age who has just gotten her masters. Now the last time I saw her was at a 25th wedding anniversary party for an "aunt" and "uncle". At said party she asked me what we "gave" them. "A card" was my reply and she proceeded to tell me that she was concerned the check she wrote was not enough. Do you really give checks to adults? I can't imagine writing these people a check as a gift. So now we are faced with her graduation party. What do I give her? I realize that it is a cultural thing that they all exchange money at things like this, but I am just not that type. Any suggestions? Do I just have to suck it up and write her a check?
O.k., I am done now. We can talk about the Salvation Army later.